i met her about a day ago, she's 37, i can see it written all over her but she's never revealed her exact date of birth. she's been through quite a lot, a bit rough around the edges, though she looks in pretty good shape for her age. she doesn't say much nor does she do much, she sits there gracefully watching her life pass by, perhaps the last 37 years had been too eventful and now she'd like to rest in a bit of peace, or so it seems until i trade her off of course. i flip her over and i see a platypus in a body of water and a '20' written next to it. i flip her over again, and i take a closer look, "Elizabeth II Australia 1966".

..i was born in vietnam but i don't speak a word of it.
my dad was born and raised in cambodia.
my mum was born and raised in vietnam.
both sets of grandparents are 100% chinese.
ergo, i have 100% chinese blood and i speak a dialect of chinese so brokenly, i don't even try to compensate by using english for the words i don't know how to pronounce in chinese, i just go "errr" or there's complete and utter silence. i "err" alot, i think i do, in fact, i find myself erring everytime i speak to either of my parents, so, now along with our culture gap, we have (usually the parents, actually it's always the parents! always! haa) this "no understand" syndrome. it's not that bad really. but cos of these reasons, they've objected to some of the bigger decisions i've made, and because i want to make my own decisions they think i'm disrespecting them. Nonsense, of course i'd like to get their blessing but at the end of the day it's my decision. And why is it always about "respect"? why? why? why? i doooo, i do respect them, they just fail to see that. You know what it is? it's the fact that you haven't done things 'their' way and they ain't happy about that, not one bit my friend.

haa!

i know what it is! it's the weather! errr no it's not.

you haven't seen your old friends in ages, but they have their own agendas, their own lives to run, they don't really need to see you anymore. errk that's sad. is this what i've become? a nomad? you haven't paid your bill, it's been sitting there for awhile now, actually they've sent you an overdue notice, great, i'll wait for the final warning then in that case, i'm just too lazy. let's eat. let's. i've eaten too much, again. why do i do this to myself, i don't know, it's not that bad really, once won't kill, not unless it becomes a habit. thoughts are moving too fast, i try to write it down quickly but i can't capture everything, nor do i want to write down everything, not here, not for the world to see, it's a damn shame, you used to be happier you know, yeah i've realised that, or so it seems anyway. hey, you can move out soon too, yeah i know i can but i can't think that far ahead, do you know how to cook? clean? wash? argh, let's reassess at another time, it's late. yeah, so you and i haven't seen our friends in awhile, they don't care about you, well not as much as they did in the past, well, they're all hitched if you didn't realise they don't have time for you anymore, i guess not, but you're upset yes? a little, i've accepted it, then why are you writing about it now? cos i'm bored and it happened to cross my mind, you mean you've been thinking about it, a little, no alot, but it's not just that, other things as well i guess, what are you talking about? what do you mean other things? why i'm writing instead of sleep at four in the morning. what is it? i'm not sure, yes you are, you just don't want to talk about it, you're afraid you'll be judged, by whom? people who read this blog, people you know, it doesn't matter what people think of me, oh yes you do, you say you don't but you really do care that's why you've been writing about trivial matters, like you and your stupid car. i'm bored now, me too, go to sleep then, i don't want to cos the weekends too short i need to maximise my consciousness, err but you're bored, yes i am and i'll keep typing, and what will that achieve? nothing, just so there's an entry on my blog site for my friends to read, huh? what? for your friends to read about your little boring entry you wrote at four in the morning? can we find a topic please? yes, how about your room's in a mess and you have unpaid bills sitting on your table, we've talked about that already, ok then, how about that little monkey she gave you that's still sitting on top of your monitor, what about it? well aren't you going to take it down doesn't it remind you of her? yes, sometimes, but i like it, it's really not that bad, fine. fine. do you like girls? of course i do! then why don't you have a target? cos there's no one, even if there was you probably won't do much cos you're all talk, yeah i am umm, then do something, do what to whom? find a whom and do what you would normally do to the whom that you're interested in, oohh we'll see you can't push the issue with these things, i'm dissapointed in you, you've lost confidence, i have? i AM confident, no you're not, am so, are not! am so! whatever. errr this entry is boring, duh! i just want to write, you know you're suppose to get up early tomorrow cos we're taking jessica out for her birthday, yeah i'll be fine, you know what? i'm actually starting to feel better after all this writing, feeling better about what? everything, everything? yeah everything, i guess i'll have to see how i feel in the morning, it might be a change for the better aye? yeah might, hehe, you're funny, i know i am, you should try to be funny all the time, you mean i'm not funny all the time? nah you're not, quite boring most of the time, you just sit there like a teenager at a bar, piss off, haha you suck, now goto sleep and do something worth your while and stop acting like you're so cool, cos you ain't, yes i am well a little cool at least, then go impress someone.