shudder

i attended a wedding last saturday night.

and, i sat on a couples table, with two exceptions, myself and this divorced single mother of 2. her kids were naturally on the 'kids' table, but they'd come over once in awhile complaining that some other kid stole a kernal of corn from his fried rice or pulled a face on him, unprovoked of course.

later in the evening i'd walk over to say hello to some people i knew and upon my return to my table i'd hear the divorced-single-mother-of-two ask me

"how come you never asked me to dance?"

to which i replied "oh i umm took a short cut through the dance floor to say hello to my friends umm hee hee"

although i was thinking along the lines of "back the hell up! i wasn't dancing, i went to say hello to some friends which i unfortunately wasn't seated with, oh and NO i don't want to dance with you"

but i'm a nice guy, nice guys don't say these things.

then she made me drink cognac with a cheap rip off of coke (it might've been AC Cola)

then she made me dance with her.

then her kids joined us.

*shudder*

she was a polite lady, i feel slack.

sorry guys, i really wanted to come to mocha, i swears!

i'm going to write something important so i urge you all to pay close attention.

everynight before i drift off to oblivion i'd lie there thinking, just random meaningless thinking. a couple of nights ago i came up with a brilliant idea, the idea was to articulate all of those thoughts onto this blog then i'd have something interesting to write about ALL THE TIME.

now with that brilliant idea there was also an equal and opposite problem. when i got up the next day all i could remember was this new idea i had and nothing else. i have no recollection of those random thoughts whatsoever.

brilliant.

..oh, and that 'something important' thing i wanted you all to pay attention to, well uhhh i'll have to save that story for another time.

dot

I sit here again, a scene that’s all too familiar but this time I don’t want yet another blank screen.

So here are some random things I want to mention, either because I think it’s important to me or I thought it would be ok material to use for a bland entry, mostly the latter.

…

The olympic games were great, one thing though, the Americans are such showoffs, why can’t they be humble like us Australians.

My hair is boofy without gel, growing it would be an alternative.

These days I spend approx. 73% of the time at home in my room, it’s a little worrying. I got to even up the scales and spend more time in other parts of my house, that’s where a laptop and wireless net access would be handy. It’s only fair to the other rooms.

I don’t make sense a lot of the time.

Imagine a blank television screen with a moderately pitched tone constantly humming through the speakers, that’s what’s occupying my brain approx. 58% of my consciousness for the past two weeks outside of work.

I’m a cautious person.

ALIAS is on right now, I don’t like Jennifer Garner. I don’t even like the trailer to ‘suddenly 30’ and trailers are suppose to show you the best bits from the movie.

I’m really welcoming the change of weather, rain’s good, wind isn’t bad either.

yeah, ok.

i'm ok.

debbie does dallas - the musical

for the money we paid i thought it was well spent, funny, well choreographed, highly recommended. no boobies though so 4 stars.

scenario one
you get up at 6am, it's cold and there's no food anywhere so you skip breakfast and get ready quickly in the hopes of catching your train to work on time, provided that your train DOES actually come on time.

it's a 10 minute car ride out to the station with another 5 minute wait til the train hits your platform, you get on with 20 loud giggling high schoolers in your carriage and the chances of getting squashed up against the side of the train by a large gross smelling man whilst being puked on is quite high.

it's another 10 minute walk from the station to your office, the people who get off the train aren't very happy people, and there are lots these people. during those 10 minutes you could be tripped, kicked, spat, laughed and groped by other unhappy train commuters.

you finally get to work, do your 8.5 hours and the battle you thought you'd won this morning had a sequel - the long ride home.

scenario two
you get up at 8, your room has been somewhat warmed by the sun, you take a nice hot shower and come out to a bacon and egg breakfast with hot buttered toast.

the birds are chirping whilst the radio is playing in the background. your eyes are glued to the morning news on tv as you slip socks onto your feet.

you leave your apartment and make for the bus stop in a skipping fashion, everyone else is also skipping. there's an accordion player busking near the bus stop, his tunes reminds you of the only french film you've ever seen and it's comforting.

the bus ride is smooth and uncrowded. there's a fruit platter near the driver and a hot chick making free boost-juice-esque fruit shakes or if you prefer your choice of coffee; mocha? latte? CAPPUCCINO? it's all there and it's free.

before you know it your bus stops outside your office and as you get out the driver says "have a good day my friend" and tosses you an apple for the road.


which scenario would you choose?

let me let you all in on a little secret
scenario 1 - living at home far far away
scenario 2 - moving out and living near the city

it'll happen.

view from our lodge @ thredbo - saturday morning


it was awesome.

snowboarding is awesome.

skiing looks girly, but i'm pretty sure that's awesome as well.

gone tomorrow back sunday

saturday
6:30am - i awake
7:30am - skirmish starts
Noon - lunch
2:30pm - skirmish ends and i take home several reminders mainly on my arms and thighs
3:30pm - i get home - quick shower
4:45pm - i get to PNW (Phi's Net Weekend - net cafe style gaming) - game playing starts
9:30pm - kfc dinner break
10:00pm - resume game playing

sunday
7:30am - game playing break - i take a 2 hour nap
9:30am - i awake - resume game playing
Noon - kfc lunch break
12:30pm - resume game playing
5:00pm - PNW ends - game playing ends
6:30pm - i get home - shower - it's the first time i've showered or brushed my teeth in over 24 hours
7:00pm - in bed
6:30am monday morning - i awake for work

i

am

so

very
 
tired!
 
but it was fun.

the weekend that was a day longer than usual

At one point we were jammin' to pete murray's beautiful but we were really just a few asians pretending to know how to play a guitar and singing terribly, i sang terribly. Our percussions consisted of a chopping board, spoons and a pot. And you know what the damndest thing is? I had fun, so y'all can just ACCEPT!


[milli's photos]

leftovers part 1 : fritters @ bills 2





leftovers part 2 : plates @ sushi train

i hate the cold

i hate it when people come into my room in the morning and let cold air in, and you know what's worse than that? when they do leave your room they leave the door open.

when part of your hair sticks up cos you slept in a funny position and refuses to stay down no matter how much gel you use, i hate that too.

and and

when people decide to play with the dog on sunday morning yelling real loud just to get the dog to walk over and shake their hands, and continue to do so regardless of the fact that it's only one of two days during the week that i get to sleep in.

also

the sound of loose change in my trouser pockets is kind of irritating.

enthusiastic freshmens who talk really really loud on the train, don't like them either.


forget about that last ninja, sleep's more important.

but that mofo ninja starred me!

AAaaArrrghHhHhh!!
*power down*

i kept jack and jill in a little container in front of monitor at home, my friend breeds them and literally has hundreds of these little guppies.

he put them in my care last thursday night complete with fish food and all i had to do was feed them at least once and day and change the water every so often.

unfortunately....

jill had already died when i got home last monday night, there she laid amongst the leftover scraps of food at the bottom of their love container.

i put jack in some new water and flushed jill down the toilet.

Swim. In. Peace. Jill.

the morning after jack had mysteriously vanished from his new container, i checked the surrounding areas and there was no sign of him anywhere in case he'd jumped out. my C.S.I skills had let me down, his disappearance is still a mystery and his likelyhood of survival is close to catching a sydney train on time.

*shakes head*

they were siblings turned incestuous lovers, now they're back together again in fish heaven. have fun kids.

.bu..................r..............nnn....

looking for a new t-shirt?

look no further...



chop designs by ding!

i spent two hours trying very very hard not to fall asleep in my training session for work.

this is lecture number 5 of 6 and it's the same story at the same time every week.

it's a combination of things really, but the biggest realisation here is that my brain doesn't want to and stubbornly refuses to study anymore, not now, not ever.

and

i've decided to go back to uni to do some post grad stuff.

so

this is going to be a problem.




sht fk sht

a quiet weekend catching up with some old school faces and also a reprieve for my wallet.

it's during this quiet time that got me thinking. thinking about things like why my body can't take 3 days of going out like it used to be able to without collapsing into a useless mess. i blame it on my diet, there is no consideration for nutritional value when my parents cook - or asian cooking for that matter, it's either oily or no oil. i've never ever ever recalled any asians i know praise carrots it for its high levels of vitamin k but how well it'll go with the paw-paw salad, and chicken, not for its protein but when cooked long enough at the right tempreture then how the crispy skin would melt in your mouth and the succulent flesh beg to be consumed.

don't get me wrong, i like my parent's cooking... most of the time... coupled with my fussless tolerance for mediocre meals.

searching for reasons why i've been so tired and run down lately has brought me to this rather superficial conclusion about diet.

it's probably as simple as, lack of sleep. that's probably it. gone are those days where small periods of sleep would suffice to completely recuperate one's self. it's sad really. but who knows, a few weeks down the track and i could write the complete opposite.

and the true reason why i'm so tired now is **insert reason here - when i figure it out**


~

i got a new phone

//edit

actually... don't take me off your list just yet, i'll be getting my number back.

edit//

hi everyone, i lost my phone. take me off your phone list.






FUCK!

i haven't been speaking my mind lately, at least not on this blog anyway and that bothers me, enough for me to write about it. once upon a time, i'd sit down open up notepad and let it out in all its grammatically incorrect glory before slapping it on blogger.

these days nervousblog.blogspot.com is just an accumulation of incoherent shit gathering cyber dust in a rather pleasant looking enclosure.

i know this is a public blog, and that in itself is a little contradictory.

larissa has mentioned this before, the point being, i set out to write my mind but it's not happening.

~

oh yeah, a question to y'all out there:

which do you prefer? inspiring others? or being inspired?

don't commend me on this new layout, it was carefully chosen from a wide selection of templates provided by blogger.com

~

...i feel that i needed a change, a clean slate in a blogger's world if you will...

yoyo

weighing up the pros and cons of different situations would more often than not help you come to a conclusive decision, at the moment there's some of that grey area, actually, a lot of that grey area that isn't THAT much of a problem, though i foresee it becoming one.

i shouldn't procrastinate.

the man downstairs whom i buy my coffee off everyday really seems like he knows what he's doing. a coffee connoisseur himself, armed with his stainless steel coffee machine he's meticulous in his chosen profession taking pride in every flawless cup he makes but more importantly i like his coffee, warm, milky and the first sip doesn't burn your tongue.

now, as i strolled in today half alseep i ordered a large, STRONG, cappuccino - naturally he would've been forgiven for mistaking my order IF there were other patrons around taking orders from fifteen other work colleagues, but there was NO-ONE else. he made my capp exactly the way he would have if it was just a large regular capp, as i recall i did emphasis 'strong'. there we were, just me and him, but i didn't want to question a pro. perhaps i didn't see him press that extra button that says "Strong Cappuccino" button that's hidden from public view, probably somewhere on the side of the coffee machine.

but alas my hopes were dashed, the large strong capp i asked for that was made like a large regular capp was in fact just a large regular capp, it _tasted_ like a large regular capp.

oh well. i'll live.

bbl

[edit]

sorry, but i'd like to give credit to jookboy's email spiral post for this self-diagnosis entry :)

[edit]

no doubt writing is an artform, but i think speaking eloquently and articulately is alot harder, unless you've prepared a 'speech' talking is spontaneous and impromptu , unlike writing you can't proof read and edit what you say and when you say things.

i guess what i've got to do is train myself to

think before i speak
edit what i'm going to say
then say it with poetic precision

i aim to complete this 3 step process in a split second so it looks like i'm doing it naturally.



but then again, who am i kidding..

~

empty glass bottles that roll around on the floor of train carraiges gives me the shits. the plastic variety are more bearable.

~

oh yeah, i got tickets to the shaolin monks wheel of time gig at the state theatre... soooo bring on the

Level 12 Buddha Palm Stance biatches!!

i have a friend, he writes, he writes about everything and anything that crosses his liberated mind, and so he should.
sometimes, very rarely though, he writes about his friends, stating his opinions on different matters and situations, empathising, sympathising and providing advice, which is good, so don't be alarmed if you think he writes about you, it only shows that he's concerned, and being friends we can let down our guard and forget our pride, at least for a few moments. alas, we can stop asking "where is the love?" cos this man's got ALL the love!

~

i have another friend who shall not be named, she went to a sex shop and found it hilarious, one of her remarks was "how do you insert that? it must be painful", or something to that effect.

that's goddamn hilarious...

her remark that is, not the giant dildo.

~

oh yeah, stuff i've gotten so far:

pirates of the caribbean dvd
bad boys 2 dvd
the hulk quilt cover set - and NO i'm not posting pictures of it here
a stein with 'dancing queen' engraved on it - charming
a marcs shirt - this one's fabulous
funky arse diary - uhhh funky
bottle of malibu - mmmm malibu
lonsdale jacket - aquary-bluey, it's not as faggy as it sounds
cufflinks - squarish
another pair of cufflinks - cylindrical
book: "you inc."
a chocolate mud cake
$2 scratchie - it had potential but it's now a small piece of cardboard
baboons t-shirt : it's very very exclusive!

last but not least, LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of drinks...


i'm indebted.

what the hell

if you read this, i'm sincerely sorry.

i hope the damage isn't permanent, it's been a roller coaster ride for the last few months in my world and i've been oblivious to things that were so clear and simple to me not so long ago.

i know you are happy, i can feel it, except on late monday afternoons on your way home from work. Don't let my insignificance get in your way - like i said in my email to you, i'm glad you told me what you did, i understand that because you tell me those things only shows that you really care.

dear friend, my mentality has changed, but know that i'm still the same person i've been all these years............. uhhh............... wait just a god damn second here... i just got your reply!... it's all good now!

we're friends again everyone!

some thoughts before i forget them..

i really hate people who eat salt and vinegar chips on a hot and crowded train.

if i was homeless and it was stinking hot, i'd jump on a tangara and stay there all day, they can't fine you cos you got no home and you got no ID.

carrying a backpack with my company name and logo makes me feel odd.

~

its presence is looming, its close and i'm acutely aware of it,
before it consumes me entirely, i'm already feeling its affect,
it's happening all too quickly..

what did you say!? you're turning 25 this year?
yeah, you too right?

HOLY.

FKN.

SHIT!

tomorrow's monday
it seems farther than it's ever been
eight minutes to go
again, seems farther than it's ever been

in other news...

schumacher ripped everyone a new one,

and samboy bbq chips are goddamn salty.

damn it, bloody goddamn it.
i'm not angry nor upset, i just felt like saying that, and i said that with a smile on my face.
it's occurred to me that sometimes people misread me, my current state of mind and my emotional situation.
further, even some of my close friends fail to see whether there's a dark cloud over me or otherwise.
do not be fooled, i write this entry with a clear and unaffected mind.
is this one of my shortcomings having unreconciled differences between my inner and outer self? OR do others just get it plain wrong when it comes to reading my actions and putting a finger on what it is that i'm feeling? over reading perhaps? don't get me wrong, it doesn't happen ALL the time, but lately i've noticed it popping up here and there.

I'm content with the way things are panning out in different facets of my life - i've developed a mindset to positively encourage myself on negative issues. it doesn't mean i'm lying to myself leading to some observers using the "ignorance is bliss" line on me.

this is not a "finding myself" entry - it's just another entry.

at work, everyone is really serious and i feel like i'm being molded into this serious business-only person and being the youngest and newest guy on the team it's easy for them to lead me down that path. i feel the need to maintain a high level of immaturity or else lunacy will get the better of me resulting in a new and progressive hatred for my job, let it be known that i write this with one hundred and ten percent seriousness.

action plan: crack a lame joke every hour and laugh at it hysterically for my own amusement and more importantly - sanity.

last thursday morning i woke up to a trail of scented smoke and the aroma of chinese mushrooms... it's chinese new year 2004.

as opposed to my friends, who have a relatively quiet time - my parents celebrate it traditionally with lots of food eaten amongst lots of people, there's one thing that i've given some thought to seeing as though this year marks my quarter century of existence, the red pockets.

it use to be all good, the red pockets kept rolling in, and when i was much younger this was my only source of disposable income for the next twelve months. but over the past few years and working full time, i've started to feel guilty, i even believe that some of these people are living off the pension. everytime i get one of them pockets, i use the same phrase: 'may you be blessed with good health' - kinda made me feel better.....

and..... at the end of the day it comes down to one word: "tradition".

'twas my first day in my new role today, and as much as i hate to say - being a new job and all, i was a little disappointed.

coming from an open planned office i was a little taken back when i was placed in a little cubicle with high partitions and little sunlight - the fluorescent tube did most of the work.

my pc? i was bitterly disappointed - it still had a "y2k compliant" sticker on it, the monitor? i'd say it was slightly bigger than a gameboy AND when you try run any programs you can hear it chugging away like a fatboy armed with a tub of extra creamy vanilla ice cream trudging up city-to-surf's heartbreak hill.

the work isn't too bad, a few new things to learn, consequently getting my brain into gear after a good month and a half of festive gatherings and forced inactivity. a breath of fresh air i'd say - the question is when will i need to surface? even though the system, the people and place are all new to me - this kind of work is all too familiar.

apparently, the existing office we're located at is getting too small for this division, hence we'll be moving over to a schmick new office in the chiefley, it'll be nice.

they've given me a 3 month probationary period before reviewing my performance, i too will give this role a 3 month trial before again reviewing my situation.

two thousand and four has started off pretty peachy for me, i've got nothing to complain about really. after our nye gathering at a friend's place i spent the next few days beaching, perusing different reading material and getting my arse handed back to me by this fella in topspin.

things have really fallen into place over the past few weeks, the job offer finally came through, festivities of any excuse ensured the drinks kept flowing in the tradition we've come to know and love.

now i'm back in the office serving the last few days of my sentence, it's hard not to think about the first day i waltzed through these doors, the people are great here and although our numbers have dwindled over the last 3 months it's still sad see what i'd call the end of an era.

two of my closer colleagues have bigger and bolder plans, they've recently got hold of working visas travelling to the cold and gloom that is london for two merry years of work and booze in a holidayesque kind of way. although i've secured a role here in sydney paving my career, i can't help but be jealous of their exciting paths they'll be embarking on in three weeks time.

london, i know you're cold, always overcast and you beat us in the rugby world cup final on home soil but you nonetheless appeal to me, sooo i hope to see you soon...

update update, from today i have exactly 23 days left at work and my career hangs in the balance as i await news from a prospective employer who i've seen for 3 interviews last week. It's now tuesday, i'm telling you, you just can't go wrong in offering me the job my friends, you just can't, so pick up the phone dial my number and tell me what i need to know and everyone will be happy. Well at least tell me before i go away next week!

my xbox got jiggied, now i can play lots of games, which is good and bad. Good because i can play lots of games whenever i want, bad because playing lots of games too much isn't really that good.

i'm still a bit under the weather. endless supply of mucus i tellsya.

tired and sleepy on this monday afternoon.

i'm dreaming of a... summer holiday.

1st december today it is. 1st day of summer today it is. there's nothing worth writing about, actually i could tell you about how i can hear my echo when i get into work every morning, but who'd want to read about that. boring. bored.

i got myself one of these and now it feels like i've got square eyes.

on a break from work this morning, i was sipping my red bull (cos everyone knows i have chronic fatigue syndrome every morning) with my back towards to sun, all of a sudden in my field of vision everything started to darken, argh, i thought i was going to black out until i realised the sun just crept behind a cloud. bitch arse!

infuse for 4 minutes for a stronger coffee.

this instant coffee bag thing is crap, maybe i've over-infused. infuse is just a funky way of saying "leave it in the hot water"

"dunk the coffee bag for a better result" - i always, ALWAYS dunk my bags, everyone does, i dunked it quite vigorously as well.

anyways, that was a major let down and it was a reknown coffee brand as well, only goes to show, never trust anything 'instant'.

i saw the coffee bag sample stuck on the front cover of this week's publication of the city weekly. now i can at least say i've tried instant coffee, i saw, dunked and infused it.

it's difficult for me attach a 'regret factor' to something so trivial such as instant coffee, but the lesson remains, give it a try or regret not trying, and remember tomorrow is a brand new day.

now i'm going to try thick slices of raw fish.

i'm by myself,

on the side of a bus i see an ad with four girls in bikinis

it goes

"why do one... dufour"

then i crack up like a spastic.

I've changed, a lot, i don't know if i'm an improved or worse version of myself.

I've lost something, i feel incomplete. definately.

Friends that i've known for awhile never told me about my bad traits probably afraid of tearing a whole in my esteem, perhaps. I see my own flaws, every level headed person should be able to see their own flaws, but what if there's a blind spot? Things you don't see about yourself that isn't all that pleasant. Do people have to make it painfully clear to you before you decide to take a step back and give yourself some constructive criticism?

"accepting yourself is the first step to happiness" - that's hunky dory if you know what your good and bad traits are, cos you can work with what you know - keep the good and throw away the bad, but then we have those blind spots you know nothing about.

don't say ignorance is bliss, cos then you'll drive all your friends away and cease to make any new friends.

i hate being ignorant, it's just perceived as being inconsiderate, and at the end of the day your intentions don't count if it's not perceived properly.

i'm quite a nice person, really i am.

something i wrote on the train awhile back, i found it in the depths of my backpack.

~

it was ryan's last day today, he's leaving us for a spiffy new job with nicer tables, better computers and comfier chairs. I had my second interview with a spiffy new company as well, getting the job would be nice, but i'm not too worried if i don't, not right now anyways.
ryan held his farewell drinks at the dendy bar. now there's only 3 people left from the nine i started working with two and a half years ago. i guess they're waiting for their fat redundancy cheque, yeah, the cheque would be nice.
the girl who sits next to me at work says that my tie made me look like a highschooler, i laughed in her face condescendingly, she picks on me at work, so i don't like her very much.
i had a 'kransky' whilst waiting for the train, it's a red vulgar looking sausage. i kept it in the paper bag hiding it from view. though it's vulgar looking, it tastes pretty good...
erghh, now i'm starting to feel it, the sausage is causing a ripple effect in the sea of beer that's housed in my stomach.
i'm going to sleep now, i should feel better when i wake up.

~

since that entry, there's only one person left from my original team, and i didn't get that spiffy job i was interviewed for.

we sunk the unsinkable.

the steam-titanic had become just another regular steam-boat.

...and don't be greedy.

"if it doesn't kill you, it'll make you stronger"

i drew up a detailed budget this evening.



i'm too distraught to continue writing.

once upon a time, some poor homeless bastard got so hungry he started to eat diposed tyres.

Softened to some extent, we now call it licorice.

i tried this lunch-sized thai chilli chicken pizza the other day, today, i tried the spicy pepperoni pizza.

i'd say, they've mixed up their adjectives.

i was watching sami's section on weather this morning. Sami was at martin place in the middle a bunch of lavenders, she asked me to come down to check out the lavenders when i had a chance. So, i got changed, caught the train and got to martin place.

i saw the lavenders, i saw sami and her news crew, then i went to work.

there's this one mandarin song i've started listening to recently, i don't know what the guy's singing about, to me it could be a happy or sad song depending on my mood.

perception, control it or be controlled.

actions speak louder than words, and speculation leads you off into a tangent usually making you oblivious to the truth.

been writing a lot of incoherent crap lately, so this will be a change of some sort.

hello.

i'm running out of time, it's just past twelve mid night and i haven't started the dvd yet, i know i don't have work tomorrow, but still, i have to hurry this entry through before i can start the dvd, i must. i'm not on the dole, but i have run an errand and pay a visit to the local centrelink tomorrow, that's going to waste some time as well. if i could only convert the time i've wasted from "waiting" i think i'd feel less rushed right now. i'd wait for the train, then i'd have to wait for the train to get to wherever, that's like two hours of waiting on a round trip. i'd have to wait my turn for the bathroom each morning, i also have to wait for people i meet up with for lunch - damn my punctuality. Then wait for my food, no wonder why people go for fast food, that damned skinless chicken laksa took forever, and it didn't even have shallots sprinkled on the top of it. now i have to wait til tomorrow to go wait in line in the waiting room at centrelink. in the meantime, play that dvd i say.

that was fun.

i've started buying coffee at this new place that my colleague frequents, his name is kevin but the guys behind the coffee machine call him "hash", kevin tells me a while ago they thought that he looked like a marijuana dealer and the name stuck ever since. strange, perhaps they caught him with little sachets of hash pinned up against the inside of his trench coat doing his rounds on martin place, or or or, when everyone else was having a smoke break, kevin pulled out his twin-chambered bong and started smoking on his own supplies whilst sipping on the flat white he bought from the same place. i normally get a cap, one time i got myself a flat white, and well.. it tastes exactly the same as a cap except with less froth, is that the only difference? is it?! is it?! hmm, well tickle me blind. anyway, kevin is english, thin, pale and homosexual, so if he was dealing or abusing anything it'll be those harder type drugs like heroin, not to stereotype heroin abusers to be thin, pale and gay - they're just thin and pale.

a familiar smile amongst the crowd, i had been waiting five minutes and i was hungry, but alas she'd arrived and soon enough the smile had turned into a half giggle, so i subtly checked my fly and blew my nose, but i never found out what she had been laughing at.

did you bring your lunch?
yeah i'm still on that detox thing
you know it's kinda pointless, cos you've already blown it by having those krispy kreme doughnuts on the weekend and not to mention you'll be loading up on bad stuff later on anyway.
*shrugs* i suppose, but i've only got 4 days left..

i bought my lunch and she was making her detoxifying rabbit sandwich, and as i sat down i was thinking to myself - what a great friend i have. at the time there was no reason nor doubt, i had knew it all along so i guess writing about it was all that's left to do.

she knows me well, or at least, i think she knows me well. we have different social agendas, though they occasionally coincide, we normally update and give each other transparency into our lives and more importantly into other peoples lives.

sometimes, our conversations will start with 'did you know that so and so is..' and ending with 'oh my gosh i never knew that..' or 'are you FER REAL?!'

then we'd fill in the rest of our time with meaningless chatter about things like titanium tongs, kimchee, beef bulgogi and justin timberlake, and for that i am grateful.

these starburst sour gummi worms taste fan-fan-fantastic on this f-f-fine day..

fine wouldn't do this day any justice, stupendously brilliant would be a more appropriate description.

during this stupendously brilliant day my attention was diverted to a conversation about Geishas amongst my colleagues sitting next to me. one girl says, essentially they're prostitutes, straight out no explanation whatsoever, just prostitutes. she rests her case. talk to the hand. period.

err ok then.

though, i'd like to disagree, just for argument sake, by definition they are:

"One of a class of professional women in Japan trained from girlhood in conversation, dancing, and singing in order to entertain professional or social gatherings of men."

that's their job description, however, they do sleep with men, but only at the discretion of that Geisha. Then you have prostitutes, their job description differ ever so slightly, so slightly in fact that my colleague finds it indistinguishable! sad.

~

gee it's a stupendously brilliant day.

~

...i was sitting on the bench waiting for my train home the other night, a girl sits next to me, then she spots her friend walking along the platform and she shouts out to get her attention, her friend comes over:

girl sitting next to me: "i spent 25 minutes on the treadmill tonight, oh my gawd, i was going to die, apparently the doctor says i have low blood pressure, so i think i need a bit more sugar in my diet"

then her friend continues to walk down the platform.

another friend approaches:

same girl sitting next to me before: "i spent 25 minutes on the treadmill tonight, oh my gawd, i was going to die, apparently the doctor says i have low blood pressure, so i think i need a bit more sugar in my diet"

then her friend walks off.

i get on the train, i sit down in the row of seats behind the girl that sat next to me on the platform, and just as i was about to doze off into oblivion another friend gets on the train and sits next to her... guess what?

the same girl that sat next to me on the platform: "i spent 25 minutes on the treadmill..."

i could've almost mimed her conversation milli vanilli style, but that'd be rude.

admittedly, i do the same thing as well, everyone does, unless you blog it of course, cos it'll look stupid if you post it twice?

~

i'm almost over my sickness, i got an extra box of aloe vera tissues, so i need to only go through 100 more sheets of tissue to get that one bar code to enter the competition.

~

my friend got himself an apartment, and i'm so jealous, cereal.

~

i need to go get some biscuits now, but everyone sticks their hands in there right after their toilet break. i'm not quite sure what makes biscuits so appealing right after a toilet break, that kinda puts me off, but the trick is to goto the store room and open up a completely new packet of biscuits.

~

Q: what's the deal with all these '~' ?
A: dunno, looks kinda cool.

i am sick.

from what? who knows. i woke up not feeling the best, by 11am i've used up half a box of kleenex aloe vera tissues, that's 50 sheets at three plies per sheet of snotty yucky mucus, very charming, i know.

they say that these aloe vera tissues help sooth the irrititations from repetitive nose blowing, i say: "bullcrap!". My little bin under my desk is filled to the brim with scrunched up tissues and i bet the very next time i blow my nose, it'll come right off. I'll lose my nose, it'll never to be located, then how ridiculous would i look? Walkin' around without a freakin' nose for crying out loud. I'd try the lost and found box, but that'll be pressing my luck though, i mean, who'll be silly enough to pick up a missing nose and place it in the lost and found box, yes i completely agree, it's highly unlikely.

Though, not all has been lost, on the underside of the tissue box there's a sneezin' season competition, you could win: a holiday to Canada worth $15,000, a Breville Espresso machine or one of 200 fluffy duck slippers. Personally i prefer the duck slippers cos i hate cold feet. Now, all i have to do is buy 2 more boxes of these tissues and send in the bar codes and bobs your uncle. If this fluey-type sickness keeps up, i might have a chance of going through all 3 boxes and be in the running for the duck slippers, but i fear my nose won't be able to make it.

i met her about a day ago, she's 37, i can see it written all over her but she's never revealed her exact date of birth. she's been through quite a lot, a bit rough around the edges, though she looks in pretty good shape for her age. she doesn't say much nor does she do much, she sits there gracefully watching her life pass by, perhaps the last 37 years had been too eventful and now she'd like to rest in a bit of peace, or so it seems until i trade her off of course. i flip her over and i see a platypus in a body of water and a '20' written next to it. i flip her over again, and i take a closer look, "Elizabeth II Australia 1966".

..i was born in vietnam but i don't speak a word of it.
my dad was born and raised in cambodia.
my mum was born and raised in vietnam.
both sets of grandparents are 100% chinese.
ergo, i have 100% chinese blood and i speak a dialect of chinese so brokenly, i don't even try to compensate by using english for the words i don't know how to pronounce in chinese, i just go "errr" or there's complete and utter silence. i "err" alot, i think i do, in fact, i find myself erring everytime i speak to either of my parents, so, now along with our culture gap, we have (usually the parents, actually it's always the parents! always! haa) this "no understand" syndrome. it's not that bad really. but cos of these reasons, they've objected to some of the bigger decisions i've made, and because i want to make my own decisions they think i'm disrespecting them. Nonsense, of course i'd like to get their blessing but at the end of the day it's my decision. And why is it always about "respect"? why? why? why? i doooo, i do respect them, they just fail to see that. You know what it is? it's the fact that you haven't done things 'their' way and they ain't happy about that, not one bit my friend.

haa!

i know what it is! it's the weather! errr no it's not.

you haven't seen your old friends in ages, but they have their own agendas, their own lives to run, they don't really need to see you anymore. errk that's sad. is this what i've become? a nomad? you haven't paid your bill, it's been sitting there for awhile now, actually they've sent you an overdue notice, great, i'll wait for the final warning then in that case, i'm just too lazy. let's eat. let's. i've eaten too much, again. why do i do this to myself, i don't know, it's not that bad really, once won't kill, not unless it becomes a habit. thoughts are moving too fast, i try to write it down quickly but i can't capture everything, nor do i want to write down everything, not here, not for the world to see, it's a damn shame, you used to be happier you know, yeah i've realised that, or so it seems anyway. hey, you can move out soon too, yeah i know i can but i can't think that far ahead, do you know how to cook? clean? wash? argh, let's reassess at another time, it's late. yeah, so you and i haven't seen our friends in awhile, they don't care about you, well not as much as they did in the past, well, they're all hitched if you didn't realise they don't have time for you anymore, i guess not, but you're upset yes? a little, i've accepted it, then why are you writing about it now? cos i'm bored and it happened to cross my mind, you mean you've been thinking about it, a little, no alot, but it's not just that, other things as well i guess, what are you talking about? what do you mean other things? why i'm writing instead of sleep at four in the morning. what is it? i'm not sure, yes you are, you just don't want to talk about it, you're afraid you'll be judged, by whom? people who read this blog, people you know, it doesn't matter what people think of me, oh yes you do, you say you don't but you really do care that's why you've been writing about trivial matters, like you and your stupid car. i'm bored now, me too, go to sleep then, i don't want to cos the weekends too short i need to maximise my consciousness, err but you're bored, yes i am and i'll keep typing, and what will that achieve? nothing, just so there's an entry on my blog site for my friends to read, huh? what? for your friends to read about your little boring entry you wrote at four in the morning? can we find a topic please? yes, how about your room's in a mess and you have unpaid bills sitting on your table, we've talked about that already, ok then, how about that little monkey she gave you that's still sitting on top of your monitor, what about it? well aren't you going to take it down doesn't it remind you of her? yes, sometimes, but i like it, it's really not that bad, fine. fine. do you like girls? of course i do! then why don't you have a target? cos there's no one, even if there was you probably won't do much cos you're all talk, yeah i am umm, then do something, do what to whom? find a whom and do what you would normally do to the whom that you're interested in, oohh we'll see you can't push the issue with these things, i'm dissapointed in you, you've lost confidence, i have? i AM confident, no you're not, am so, are not! am so! whatever. errr this entry is boring, duh! i just want to write, you know you're suppose to get up early tomorrow cos we're taking jessica out for her birthday, yeah i'll be fine, you know what? i'm actually starting to feel better after all this writing, feeling better about what? everything, everything? yeah everything, i guess i'll have to see how i feel in the morning, it might be a change for the better aye? yeah might, hehe, you're funny, i know i am, you should try to be funny all the time, you mean i'm not funny all the time? nah you're not, quite boring most of the time, you just sit there like a teenager at a bar, piss off, haha you suck, now goto sleep and do something worth your while and stop acting like you're so cool, cos you ain't, yes i am well a little cool at least, then go impress someone.

with the shake of hands, he drove away, with my beloved.

it's been almost 4 years.

bye bye my car.

Mr. Mraz is coming to the Metro, can someone say yay?!

oh my...

icbm.

hi baboons!

hi christian.

oh my...

the truth hurts for some people, but it's rather annoying for me, if you mope about something, it's just becomes pathetic..

if you take a light hearted approach to different situations, it won't affect you as much. so, where am i going with this? i don't know.

anyways, excel just crashed on me and i lost an hour worth of work, what happened to auto save?

in other news, matrix reloaded is out today, nice...

i don't like my new hair cut!
it's too short!
*sigh*
i'll give it a couple of weeks.

in other news, my car's on the trading post, it's gonna be in this weeks listing 08/05.

listening to the radio, at work, i'm bored out of my brains and it's a chore just trying to look busy, hence this entry.

i got my car back, after being in the garage for the last 4 and half months. my friend convinced me to purchase an after market bumper bar, it's now rather impractical, yes, lets sell the car.

you really want to sell the car don't you?

yes.

but you never do anything this drastic.

well, i think it's time i did, people get comfortable with routine - but it's rather bland. change is good, change breathes new air into your life, blah...

are you sure? you'll have to put an ad up in the trading post, it's too much of a hassle and you won't have any time.

whatever.

you're not going to go through this stupid 'change management' in other areas of your life are you?

perhaps.

just cruising along.

there's no objective, i feel so unmotivated - what am i working towards? where am i heading? what is my plan?!

no, nothing really, just cruising into the void.

someone inspire me!

a couple i've been long time friends with got married last night and i was the bestman.

over 10 months worth of planning went into this one day, and i gotta say, i don't think i'll ever get married, it's hard goddamn work.

this is how the whole day panned out:
got to the brides house for the traditional asian tea ceremony where the bride and groom gets draped with jewellery or lots of money plus lots of photos, then we were off to curzon hall where they say 'i do' and sign the marraige ceritificate plus lots of photos. We made our way to various landmarks around sydney for.......more photos. Under the anzac bride, on the anzac bride and at observatory hill. Three hours later, we had the reception at the Regal in the city and i had to do my speech.

it went alright i suppose, i also suppose i fucked up, whatever, the audience weren't very receptive either, 8 out of the 12 tables were fobs.

something's annoying me, but i'm not quite sure what it is. whatever.

anyways, happy birthday both - james su and mark, thanks for slobering all over me on friday night, you really made my night wonderful.

battle scars - that flaming drink you bought us mark, well whatever it was the blue alcoholic flames found its was to my thumb and that's where a whole lotta hurt started settling in. goddamnit.

i know i've said this before, but i reckon the best thing since sliced bread - mango beer.
xtn's quite beastily, two steins of that didn't even dent his amour. bow down.

pimping - it's dirty work, but someone's gotta do it.

maties

this is a truc & phuong style appreciation letter

thank you to all those people who've put in a tonne of effort in organising my birthday...

the following will contrain a lot of "thank yous" so beware....

special mentions - to all you guys who lied to me just to make the surprise work.. ALL OF YAS!! mmm except a few, those few are forgiven haa!

the TWINS/Kevin/Phi/Linda - you are DOOSHMAS OK?! just no FKN bit.....but thanks for that grain of rice, i know you don't work, but it's the thought that counts, oh yeah thank Kevin for the t-shirt - wore it two days in a row, didn't wash it, haven't washed it haaa

Brandan/Chewy/Tran/Michael Dang/Vo/Dave Nguyen - thanks for taking me out to have pizza, it was great, NOW i can use the cufflinks yo! next time NO MORE SEAFOOD pizza, that kinda sucked... and chewy, what a crazy woman, downing 2 bottles of corona, training it home, making herself look pretty then DRIVING all the way to my place, now that's a feat, and dave had to goto a car show...again, instead of my birthday .... you slack ar$e

michael dang - can you pass on my thanks to leanne.

Joanie - thanks for coming, sorry didn't have any chicken ice cream - we'll get some next time

Dave Chiang/Derek Chu - Wahroonga (sp?) boyz in the hood yo!! hope you enjoyed your time.

karen/vinh - it's a big hike for you to get to my place, you know living in lansvale and everything but TA!!

Dat/Quyen Thai - thanks for making it to drinks, i know your Tooth is still sore, but i appreciate you making an appearance and quyen, you had to train it up to the city, poor thing ahhah awwww see you soon yeah?

the st johns girls britney/natalie/janice/lizzy/yu chu - i know you guys helped out with the cooking and stuff, i give you 5 dorrah ok? that'll get you 2 and a half tequila shots at mounties, what a freaking bargain! oh yeah natalie you drunk ar$e, ta for having shots with me and err buying chips and stealing peanuts at mounties, too bad they didn't have any smith's chicken chips cos you know they rock...

jenny lee/marc "yo a$$ nigger G" fricke - hahaha - you guys had 2 parties, but you came to mine first, that's good right?

law girls - cindy/shehani/inoka - TA for coming, wouldn't be the same without yas....serious... thanks for making an appearance

sefton blokes - van/paul mach/quang/pramod/chunga - hello softies! and ya wanted to play ball instead of drinking... what the?! sorry pramod, i didn't organise the food, you could've picked out the peas and corn in the fried rice to eat haha quang, you're so beastily, how many drinks didja have?!

phi nguyen - (on the way home from city) "let's get some kebabs" then i hear him talking suspiciously in viet to someone, struggling though : "mik mak lak tor doh mah errr lakky lakky bun mi thit nouc mam" - we get to my place, oh there's food!?! and there's a party!! surely you knew!!

madeline quach & dave do.... i mean thuy "whip crack" do & dave quach - thanks ah thuy for coming drinks then pretending not to know where the hell dave is, WE ALL KNOW YOU HAVE GPS on him :) hi dave!!

XTN/Lillian - thanks for coming to drinks you guys, i understand it's a fair trek down to my place so i don't blame yas for not coming...ya b@stards!! ooohh not you lillian just christian, cos he's mah b*tch :)

mr Mark Chan - you didn't come for drinks, you went to play tennis INSTEAD, then you take 4 hours to get from homebush to my place, good effort, take a bow my friend BUT thanks for finishing off the pasta bake anyways, just come over a few more times, and you'll know my area like the back of your hand, if you do decide to come over, don't bring your eastwood gangster style...

mathew/nancy - BUSTED, big time - poor poor nancy, should've seen the look on her face friday morning on the train, i'm sorry nancy, i swear i'm not sadistic, you looked sooo cute trying to hide the truth, and mathew you're a b@stard for pushing it all on nancy - "it's nancy's friend's party".

Jason Chan - you weren't here physically, but i knew you were here in spirit, i saw you sign my card via proxy haa! so get your ar$e back in sydney quick smart and sign it properly...

THE BIG ORGANISERS

thanks Anne and James su for shoppin' for that camera, it's a bewdy, i use it all the time haha at my birthday, at the election....hell i even use it in the toilet.... u wanna see? and luggin' the dj equipment to my place must've been a b*tch, we all appreciate that James!! busting those dance moves in front of all those girls, save some of the girls for us aye?!?

Myle - you've been playing that pretend game pretty good, caught yas out with my imaginary mate "jeremy" you drama queen!! and tell your great uncle to stop lying about those stupid family dinners you have to go to - i knew you had something up your sleeves, you're lucky i didn't nit pick and bust your ar$e

minh tran - i've heard you been a big part of this all, i don't know what the hell you did, but i'm grateful buddy, i really am... thanks for driving me around... i'll drive you back when i get my car yeah? love your shirts!

nhi - oh wow - the master mind herself, well well well well well, i ought to give you a medal, but you already have one - nah, just kidding, but thanks a tonne, i didn't mean to give you a hard time, i knew something was suss, but jeremy wanted to me to goto his place haha i'll give you kiss on the cheek, sorry minh, but i have to :)

left hand girl to nhi - jemaine, at one stage jem was going to jump through that phone friday arvo and beat the crap outta me, too bad so sad, you're tough but you ain't neo!! oh yeah, matrix is coming out soon, we going to do a regency thing again like lord of the rings two towers? anyways, thanks jemaine, that card you made was an absolute gem, beats the crap out of anything i've made...

right hand girl to nhi - MEY SHIA KHOU - my sister - i wake up friday morning and what do i see on the dinner table, a big A3 sheet of paper, labelled shopping list, on it writes : to cater for 35 people HMMMMMM, pasta salad HMMMMMMMMMM potato salad HMMMMM chicken wings OH YUM!! but HMMMMMMMMM spring freaking rolls!! HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION!!

mey can you give a shout out to lu zhong and dave(what's his face) i don't have their email addresses, and myle has no manners "how's your mum?" whadda crack up and then protesting that she did in fact know his mum...liar.

i think i have had too much V this morning...

[edit 26/03/03]

sorry Chipster, best liar out of all of them, you know why? cos you're whipped "i gotta go meet sara" i had no choice - ya bastard haahha THANKS MAAAATE!!

machy

this was taken from our war debate on email today, my friend machy wrote this in response to why democratic societies ie US possess nukes, i think i was a great response.

~

We're not happy that nukes exist at all. But they do. They're currently at the
situation where to disarm would be to invite disaster. Say the US takes the
brave step of disarming. All of a sudden, countries with nukes raise an eyebrow
spying an opportunity to strike without retaliation. The situation sucks but the
nukes act as a preventative measure.

Also you seem to think that the US are a bunch of bloodthirsty savages who would
take any action to crush their foes. I'm inferring this becos you seem to think
they would use their nukes first chance they get. So why don't they? They know
the consequences. That is a detterrent in itself. As Lu said, they are a strong
democratic country. If common sense doesn't prevail in the government it will in
the people. No matter their disregard for foreign policy they still dont want to
use nukes.

Compare this to a rogue nation with nothing to lose. They will use their nukes
as soon as the end is in site. These rogue nations are usually ruled by militant
dictators. They have absolute control and noone to answer to. This is a
dangerous situation. I would rather not sit back and wait and see if they have
the common sense to NOT use the nukes. I would rather see them be disarmed.

North Korea? If it wasn't for their missile test fires over japan I probably
wouldn't consider them as much of a threat. But they openly flaunt their ability
to fire missiles. When faced with a country that is that belligerent with their
weapons I start to get fearful. Yes, US has the nukes. But have they ever
threatened other countries with missiles unless they were threatened first? It
comes down to who you can trust. While I don't agree with US foreign policy I
trust their regime to not instigate a nuclear war.

Ok, the Cold war days. Both sides had nukes with fingers poised on the triggers.
They were willing to use them IF the other side used them first. If each side
was truly willing to use them they would have. But they obey the laws of common
sense. Consequences Efe, it keeps everything even. To use a nuke would be like
exploding one on your own country due to the counterattack. This I believe keeps
everything even, I believe this is what eventually helped defuse the Cuban
missile crisis.

Yes, for the betterment of the world, everyone must disarm. Lets work toward
that goal, sure. But before we do that, lets keep the nukes from the "rogues" of
the world. One goal at a time Efe.

I could be talking out of my ass. I have no idea. All I know is I'm really
hungry and this email took longer than I expected.


~

badda-bing badda-bong

just finished playing our last corporate basketball game before the semis are due to commence, i walk into the mlc centre food court and i see 40 odd people with eyes glued to the tv set: war is now under way.

I didn't know what to think, i just wanted to get some food damn it, too much war talk.

my friends have had massive debates for and against the case for war over email, it was interesting then it got vomit-inducing, listening to my friends presenting their case. Opinions are like arseholes, everyone's got one...

can't we just talk about the cricket? and how australia's gonna rip the indians a new arsehole, that's if they beat the kenyans.

but what fun is there in that, everyone's on the same side, there's no debate... oh alright then, talk about the damned war!!

now what?

well, the cat's got my tongue...

hmmm

went to MILK at the opera house on friday night, a bunch of photos that's suppose to make you feel warm and fuzzy, jazz at the overflow was better.

went go karting sunday afternoon, now THAT was fun.

people are getting married??

When did this happen? all of a sudden i've been inundated with invites, rsvps to make, speeches to write up and suits to try out all in the name of matrimony.

When did everyone get so old? Or is it me unable to handle the fact that my life is flying past me before my eyes and i haven't the slightest clue what the hell to do except work and go out. whatever.

~

i got absolutely shattered last saturday night, and behaving rather badly. i've seen other people stumble along the footpath whilst their friends desperately try to keep them standing upright at which point i think to myself "pathetic drunk bastard..." well, that night, that pathetic drunk bastard became me.

today during lunch gem told me that the things i did at the club that night were "unacceptable".
another friend, xtn, told me over email that my behaviour was something along the lines of "fine" (i forget) however, i just did some "funny things".

oh freakin' well.

gem and knee, that challenge is still on!! you are my witnesses.

~

my car should be back ready to rock'n roll in about 2 weeks. yeah!!

welp, i'm off!!!

got my cds
packed my bags
got my footy

woohoo

will have a write up when i get back

tomorrow....i mean today will by my last day of work for ....wait for it....5 freakin' days, i'm hella happy about that. Work's been pretty dry lately, sooo it's good bye work shoes and bring on the thongs and sandals for we are off to Culburra Beach just past Nowra on the south coast of NSW. We'll be stayin' at this funky place for 4 days yeah!
i don't care if we do nothing, as long as it's far far away from this city and not being nagged by middle management about deliverables coming up or those that i've missed... whatever.

we'll be playing against SHFS in our corporate basketball game, don't ask me what that stands for, i just see it on the our timetable, hopefully we'll win and pump me up for my super long weekend...jealous?

nrma's still a bitch.

valentines day is on friday, but i won't be around, my apologies.

saturday is the 15th, again i won't be around, my apologies.

~

there are alot more unfortunate people in this world, i'm one of the luckier ones, people suffer from famine, disease, war etc.. whilst i whine about bills, missing my train for work in the morning, why i can't be on the beach on this great fkn day, and paying $6000 to fix my car, money ain't nothing, as long as you have enough to eat, good friends and good times . i should stop whining, consider myself lucky, i feel better now. HEE HEE

~

now.... what should i bring to on my trip? my FOOTY yeah!!

i have this rubber band ball, it's made from rubber bands, it's spherical, but not perfect, the bounce is fairly consistent. sometimes it might hit a lump, an imperfection, a flaw and go all over the shop, i keep bouncing it, i try to anticipate where it'll go next. The fact of the matter is, i can't. It's totally random, i guess i'll just have to run after it when it gets an odd bounce.

reminds me of myself, or better yet, my life, mostly stable, then a spanner gets thrown in the works and i have to pick up the pieces later on. it's a phase, a learning experience, tomorrow will be a new day, a brighter day. f*ck you nrma.

please make yourselves useful and visit CHIP

happy new year.

ahh so quickly has the year passed aye?!

http://pub46.ezboard.com/bthecrew10809

yo!

i was on the train home today, i eves dropped on two girls talking amongst themselves, i don't know, but i just thought it was hilarious when one of the girls said:

- work was alright, it was busy, it wasn't busy busy, yeah, it was quiet.

eh?

sometimes i just think girls talk for the sake of talking, sometimes they're just so caught up in themselves that don't make any damn sense.

it was approaching my station, and these two people, a guy and a girl said hello to each other, i think long time friends, they were talking, then the girl said, i swear this is word for word:

- i saw your friend the other day i forogt his name but he lives in cabramatta and he vietnamese (in her broken english)

surely that should narrow it down for the bloke she was talking to, anyways, she went on giving more detail, but i paid little attention, that first line was a pearler. Which brings me to my conclusion of this experience, which all happened in a 10 minute period. Girls love talking, they talk a lot, and when they talk, they talk incoherent shit.

this should yield a few comments!! yeahhhh!!!

quittage

i'm not a quitter by nature, but it's really gotten me to the point of complete and utter insanity, i was still pretty happy, up until friday night.

work just gave me the shits, all my mates have left from my team, the latest casualty, poor girl is gonna quit without a job to fall back onto, i might do the same tomorrow, i think it's the best thing for me, i know it's not the most wise thing, but it'll make me a lot, i mean A LOT happier, and that's what life's all about right?

oh how i miss those public school days, 9am - 3pm without a worry in the world.

mango beer

- milo is a beast.
- mango beer isn't that bad, they serve it at lowenbrau, some german bar and restaurant at the rocks.
- at the moment, i'm talking to chook (milo's sister) on msn and writing up this blog entry at the same time.
- milo's a beast
- all the blokes downed a litre of beer in under 20 minutes, but it seemed to affect me more than anyone else, probably because i still had some alcohol left over in my system from last week.
- "knee" was dizzy after taking a sniff of the beer.
- marv and his constant asking of everyone to "wait wait wait wait wait wait" - whadda funny bastard.
- xtn always seems sober, no matter how much he's had.
- go the chilli fish balls, you bastards missed out, xtn and i rock.
- milo is definately a beast.
- jackson was rather quiet. NOT ENOUGH BEER.

***

i had a story to write about, but i was warned that if i put on here, some serious pain is gonna come my way, i said i'll change the names and stuff, it was the moral behind the story. oh well.

all i can say is, "hope" is a powerful thing.

***

it's late, i don't have anything interesting to say, so i'm gonna go to bed now.

FOR ALL YOU dooshmas - i reposted my posts below - don't say i didn't warn you how crap it is.


[8/29/2002 1:37:54 PM | u e]
it was the twenty fourth day of the eigth month... five days earlier...

it's quarter past twelve - i said farewell to my friend and made my way to her house, i called her, i said i'll be there soon, she said cool.

i arrived at her place shortly after, open up my boot and pulled out the bouquet of hi-lighters i had arranged earlier in the day - she came out and before any words were spoken her eyes lit up from the sight of the hi-lighters - we left it at her front door and continued on our merry way.

i didn't know where we were going, she directed me, turn right here, go to the end of the street, then left, go straight past the lights and make a left - we finally got to where she intended on taking me - now find parking she said - so i did.

we found our lunch spot - laos/thai - we ordered a couple of dishes enjoyed the cosy atmosphere the store had provided, there wasn't many people there, nervous at first, but it got comfortable by the second.

she said that this was the first of three destinations - i said you're not gonna drag me out to some desert and before i know shoot me in the back are you? - she said there aren't any deserts around here - and laughed it off...

we finished most of the food and she insisted on paying - and she did, grabbed our after meal mints (minties) and walked around the block to see if there was anything interesting to see - we found a cheap cd store, the signs were made of cheap cardboard written in poor handwriting... regardless, we ventured into the store, she ended up buying a cd - atomic kitten - their latest single (as at twenty four / eight / zero two)

we made our way back to the car conversing about meaningless nothing - nothing important enough for me to remember...

started the engine and we were off again, she guided me to the next destination, 15 minutes later we ended up at a recreational park, families having a nice saturday afternoon barbeque, men, women and children pushing their canoes into the lake just before paddling off into the distance.

after walking around for ten minutes we found ourselves a nice patch of grass, sat down and soaked up some sun rays, it was a good day. she had an objective that day, she had something tell me, from our previous conversations i've deducted that it was going to be good news.

she started : i brought you out here to tell you something - yes? but you're hiding behind your sunnies, i can't see your eyes - you want to see my eyes? - yes.

she pulled her sunnies off and dropped them onto the soft grass we were laying on, she was laying on her stomach, before she continued she uttered - my arse is burning - i said, sit up then, and make me some shade - we laughed that off as well and she continued with what she had to tell me.

it was good news, but it wasn't what i was hoping for, i was content, very content, in fact after telling what i had said six days earlier, which was a first in the entirety of my life.

she had partially reciprocated what i had told her, but there was a 'but' - it wasn't a bad 'but' where you'd expect a total opposing point to the initial statement, it was more of a compromising 'but' .

we soaked up some more sun rays got up, brushed our backsides to rid the grass that attached themselves to our jeans when we were least expected - walked to the car and continued to our third destination.

i just wanted to write about the first two thirds of the day, it was a defining day, cleared out most of the cob webs that hung over me for the last week.

i just want to say, let me know whenever you're comfortable.

[edit]

[8/25/2002 1:41:29 AM | u e]
i didn't intend on writing, but ...... nevermind ....

something unusual happened today, i picked her up at quarter past twelve today, i gave her the bouquet of hi-lighters i got from work, she was taken back by how many i got her.

- thai for lunch
- park for a talk
- country fair aka paddy's market for the rest of the day

it was good, it was different, it got me thinking, she says she likes me, but she doesn't want to rush into things, i didn't know what to say, i'm obviously happy...

i'm just so run down at the moment that i haven't taken the time out to think about what's going to happen in the next few weeks, i really don't know.

i'll post something in more detail later

[edit]

[8/24/2002 12:23:48 AM | u e]
my current state of mind - bit tired, feeling pretty good, i'm seeing her tomorrow, she wants to talk - serious talk, we've never spoken on a serious note in person before, all our serious conversations take place during our phone calls - funny that.

i was geared up to having drinks and good company tonight - but everyone's got their own agenda, everyone's busy these days, everyone's paving their own lives - why did i even mention this...

honestly, i crave attention, a lot of attention but in subtle ways - maybe it's just a manifestation of my insecurities - ok, enough of this crap.




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


i'm staring off into space thinking about what to write about, i had a lot to write about today at work, i thought i'd leave it til i get home, now i don't know what's going on, finished work, headed down to the cargo bar to meet jemaine, then caught the train home with jemaine and brandan, headed over to brandan's place for some food, sat down with a nice cuppa tea and watched the knights vs broncos game - knights smashed them, 40 - 10.

i'm tired.

i have no substance.

i'm gonna read someone elses blog, maybe they've got something more interesting to say.




[edit]
[8/21/2002 12:08:04 AM | u e]
i could take a shower and goto sleep, but i wanted to write more about myself, hmmm - talking about myself twice in one night too much? nah, i don't do it all that often, and there's no harm, unless people who know me read this, and they know this blogger belongs to me - but WHATEVER, i have great friends, i'm sure they won't pass judgement based on what i write here...

i'm insecure at times, and it shows, i talk about my feelings alot and more often than not there's no resolve, "circular conversation" is the term i use loosely.

i adapt and apply other people's concepts to my life, i make a conscious effort to listen to my thoughts when i have second to myself, mostly during lunch, i usually have it by myself, cos nobody else has lunch at 3pm - i'm doing very tedious accounting work at a bank that doesn't value their staff, i try hard, i put a lot of effort in my work, i try to keep people happy, people in my immediate area anyway. i'm normally a pretty up tempo, cheerful happy person, it's only of late that i'm in this 'gloom' mood. mostly cos of the direction, or lack thereof, my career is going, then little 'obstacles' in my personal life.

i usually write in small short sentences, it makes you sound more sophisticated, but there's no one here i want to impress - so that who idea can just go out the window.

i'm tired, i ought to jump into bed and get some rest - but i want to still write - about nothing and mostly myself.

we have a small family here in sydney, we moved from adelaide in '86 - i have a few aunts and uncles in sydney - they have lots of kids now - they're my little cousins - there are lots of them - they're like a plague - that's an awful word, an awful word to describe my cousins with, but they're still very young, they will never find this journal, they're annoying though, that's why they're a plague.

someone just pulled up on our drive way - best bet it's one of my aunts/uncles - i can just make out their head lights through my shutters - they left - they dropped my mum off.

i was at a birthday party earlier in the evening - it was an old lady - an old lady i call grandma - she's not exactly my grandma, but everyone calls her that, because she's old, she's really old - close to 80 i reckon. i feel rather guilty, my parents asked me to go - i went to have some food, spoke to a few people and headed back home - the party was a 2 minute drive from my place, i don't feel so guilty anymore, i'm so tired i couldn't really give a toss.

i think my sentences are too long, but no body cares, i use a lot of commas though, that should make up for it? i don't think so, bad grammar is bad grammar - i did mention that i was a poor writer - you can see why.

there are a few good things i can say about myself though, i can safely say i'm pretty good in many sporting activities. basketball, tennis *thinking* pool, pretty strong swimmer and i can run pretty well.

my room's in a mess at the moment, my study table is packed with miscellaneous items:
- water spray
- 1 litre tub of moisturising cream
- a bouquet of hi-lighters
- 4 post it note pads stacked on top of the hi-lighters
- 3 books (fellowship of the ring & the two towers) an interior design book.
- 2 cans of deoderant

i'm a collector of crap - my book shelf doesn't have many books, there's an assortment of display items, some cologne, candles, a tray of crap.

wow - an entry of crap - i went off track again - i need to focus, i wanted to write about myself, ended up listing the things on my desk and bookshelf.

[edit]

[8/20/2002 10:34:59 PM | u e]
today, i realised the true meaning of the word "routine", as it stands, my
life is like "ground hog day" playing on repeat mode.

i have lunch almost exactly the same time, walk through the same malls, on most days, i have the same lunch, only because everything else is rather unhealthy and after lunch, i go window shopping in exactly the same stores.

i struggle to remember what goes through my head during my lunches, it's the only time i have to myself.

i'm off in a daze when i'm strolling through GBs.

i want to buy that dvd, but when would i watch it?

i'm wearing my suit, i feel rather confident, my light blue shirt and my somewhat checkered tie. i glance at people as if they are below me, that's not true though.

i search for a gift, for a friend, she's turning 24. i see a filofax, it's in a glass cabinet, i can't see the price, but i know it's pricey, it's brown, leather, some parts suede.
i won't buy it today, perhaps tomorrow, i said that yesterday as well.

it's nearly 3:30, i make my way back to the office, as i approach the front door i see chris, he's going to get some food, gee - that's a late lunch, no - i was wrong, he went to the gym during his lunch hour, he just needs some food now, fair enough.




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


i sip my low fat milk, i'm lactose intolerant, i like milk, it's low fat, but not skim, skim is kinda gross.
lactose intolerant, i'm not certain though, but my stomach makes alien like noises after drinking - i guess that's what lactose intolerance means, i'm probably wrong again, sometimes when i drink too much i need to use the bathroom.

i want to glorify myself, i thinner now, but i don't have abs, all of a sudden i don't have anything to write about, i could have said the same thing at the beginning of this entry, did i spell beginning right? hope so, i did, i just ran a spell check on it, i think faster than i type, that's why i'm never a good writer, it sounds right in my head, but when i translate what goes on in my head through my fingertips and onto this computer screen, a lot of it is just plain gibberish.

i just remembered i owe my friend $110 - i haven't forgotten, i ought to pay him back, i don't have music playing either, i usually do.

i want to talk more about myself, but i don't know where to start, i'm sure i have a lot to say about myself, i'm sure i'm the best person to ask about myself, don't you think?

five for fighting's superman is playing at the moment.

my friend's sister's friend just messaged me on msn - i'm going to say hello.

this is the end of my entry. more about myself in my next post

[edit]
[8/19/2002 10:08:58 PM | u e]
i was never a good writer.

no writing skills whatsoever, i'm asian who happens to speak english quite well.

i read other people's blog

i should read some more, it might help.

i'm going to make a banner for the top of my blogger now - i know it's gonna turn out rather crap.
i don't know why i even bothered setting up a comments link - no one comes here.

[edit]

[8/10/2002 2:38:21 AM | u e]

milo's poem of the moment

Desiderata
(something desired as essential)

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember
what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline be gentle to yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars and you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

--Max Ehrmann, 1927. © Robert L. Bell


[edit]

[8/10/2002 2:25:02 AM | u e]
it's been awhile

many things have happened

one thing in particular i'm very happy about

manager's still a dick though

he's on 3 weeks leave

so now i can go hammer and tongs looking for a new job.

sweet as.

[edit]

[6/28/2002 2:13:30 PM | u e]
i took a personality test over at http://www.haleonline.com/psych/index.htm it's only 4 questions long - most parts are quite true, i don't know, judge for yourself.

here's mine anyways:

ENFP

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's there to say about you? You're an initiator of change and are keenly in tune to possibilities... you're enthusiastic, and it's contagious...you're tireless in the pursuit of newfound interests... You can anticipate the needs of others, and offer them needed help and appreciation. You bring zest, livelihood, and fun to all aspects of your life...

You're agreeable, sociable, outgoing and like to imagine yourself in the future... who will you marry? what type of work will you do? where will you live? All questions you ask yourself...you like to keep your options open...you're imaginative...curious...you prefer to understand than judge..

You see endless possibilities. You hate to be boxed into anything -- like a career -- for life...so you hesitate and resist making decisions...always look for new and novel...

You like a learning environment where the teacher takes a personal interest in you...You're motto might be: "There's always a better way or a better answer.."... when you're committed to something, you are enthusiastic to the point of preaching to the whole world about it (...like the Storm Palace?)

Your style of organization is... well, personalized. Others don't really see you as organized, though, do they? YOU know what's where, and there's a "method to your madness," huh?

You have a hard time separating work from leisure, since you have fun while you work. You're always on the lookout for new things... you like learning with others, so you'll invite 'em to join you at films, plays and classes.

When you fall in love, you study the other person in every way. The one you fall in love with is "the best ever" a lot, huh? Sheesh. But others feel unconditionally loved by you ....you fall head over heels and get in love FAST. You are charming...full of vitality...you treat others with sympathy, gentleness, and warmth...

Last part: watch out for losing your focus 'cause you wanna try too many ideas at the same time... you don't prioritize, so you can overload...also, because you're just a fun-loving animal, you might not complete important work and basic responsibilities...

ENFP: "Every day, New Fantastic Possibilities"


[edit]


[6/23/2002 12:13:45 AM | u e]
went to the blue mountains last weekend - very cold - cosy little cottage - 4 hr bush walk - that was kinda screwy but very relaxing.

anthony spat on my face using the force of the wind - bastard.


[edit]

[5/31/2002 11:55:07 PM | u e]
it's friday night, it's cold and i have absolutely nothing to do, nowhere to go and no-one to call =( got bored of the click-click game aka diablo2 and ra3 got boring after 20 minutes of it.

*sigh* what am i to do? it's only 10:40!! =((((

call someone? bring over a video? catch up?

i just remembered why a part of me chose to stay home, car regos coming up + insurance - fucken hell!!!

<--- in other news -->
i just realised how old i'm getting when my friends got engaged the other week, i can just feel the wrinkles forming around my eyes, not good, and i don't want to end up choosing a bride in a south east asian country.

one more thing - i'm sure this comes up all the time - it annoys me a lot but i don't mind people with high self confidence, but when it gets to a stage where it's painfully obvious that it makes them look like they're up themselves....bleh!! fags aghghaghahgahaghgaha

tinkerage is almost complete.

never again...

my body clock forced me to wake up pretty early today, backing up from what i consider a big night on the booze.

my head feels like crap and my conscience ridden with guilt of making such of fool out of myself as well as partially ruining everyone's night.

my apologies go out to the 4 brave souls who had to baby sit me through the latter part of the evening.

jackson, xtn, gillian and marv

particularly jackson, thanks mate.

oh yeah xtn, i'll pay you soon for kok - and don't say otherwise FOOL!! =)

hi MILO, hope your hand bag is ok.

my pinky still hurts.

you left me no choice...

but to write up an entry about the hunter valley of my own...

both mark and xtn have added an entry about the hunter valley trip - so i'm gonna make like a sheep and do the same... *baaa* *baaa*

on second thoughts, i'm just too darn lazy at the moment...

besides, everything's been written about by the two blokes i've just mentioned, go...have a read...and perhaps by then i'd do a proper write up, i doubt it though.

this chill-out-mellow-trancey music i'm listening to at the moment is making me more of a lazy arse.

oh yeah, mark, great song.
oh yeah, mark, YOU BRUISED THAT BANANA YA SLACKO!! go get yourself a "clingon" and you can make 'jackson' pay for it this time, and and and STOP USING OUR BOX OF TISSUES!! =)

***
just thinking about work - i'm getting all fired up...arghh!!! now i must write...

i'm just dreading work everyday now, another of my colleagues spoke to me today, she's definately resigning this thursday and.....WITHOUT A JOB to fall back onto.

team morale is at an all time low.

i've been so close to resigning just like that, storming out the door vowing never to return, but i'm all talk, i'm more afraid that my dad will threaten to break my leg, it's the same old threats asian parents seem to be using, ever since i can remember, it's the "i'll break your leg" threat that reigned supreme - oh i'm off on a tangent now...

ok, a little less conversation and a bit more pro-active action.

it's about time i made use of that "need a job?" link i've put here.

ohh my dicky manager has now left, only to replaced by another dicky manager of the opposite sex and weighs 40 kg more. i'm slack, but i don't like her much, i'm a very tolerant person, i am!! just not with her.

feel my pain!

didja feel it?

ok, i'm better now.

***

oh yeah, i've republished most of my archives, should be back up, don't know why it's not up straight away, but you guys should see it soon.

today is the day after our 3 day hunter valley trip - i managed to negotiate with my manager and get today off as well - sooo it's time for some good ol' shop shop shopping.

YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK!!!!

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!

=))

email from a friend
==========
Remember the five simple rules to be happy (I like
#3,4 & 5):

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more .
5. Expect less.

Okay now for those who need a little soul
food remember these lines:

You can't make someone love you, all you can do is
be someone who can be loved, the rest is up to the
person to realize your worth.

It's better to lose your pride to the one you love,
than to lose the one you love because of pride.

We spend too much time looking for the right
person to love or finding fault with those we already
love, when instead we should be perfecting the love we
give.
==========

what a disaster

it's the feeling you get when your plans don't go as planned.

sure i still had a good time tonight, but my original plan was - be home around 7 - gym it til about 8 then call her and speak to her til the cows come home about meaningless nothing.

hmm what did i actually do?
finish work
headed down to the roxbury bar had a few drinks
went to a korean restaurant an ex-work mate parents' owned
had more wine, walked down a couple of blocks after dinner to a colleagues apartment for a few more beers then eventually waving down a cab and staggering home at 12 midnight on a weekday.
wrote up this blog entry... i'm guessing i'll eventually fall asleep within the hour...

now i have work to look forward to tomorrow morning... not happy jan.

from an email i was sent today

==========

September the Eleventh

In these awful times, as we struggle to understand what is happening to our world, we must keep in mind the events of the recent past.

At dawn on September the eleventh he received his orders.
While others would attack the citadels of commerce and defence
To his team would go the greatest honour,
That of targeting the President himself.

They would attack by air the central symbol of the Infidel's power
- The Presidential Palace -
And they would take out this obscene man
And all who stood by him.

'Democracy' the infidels called it.
Let them call it thus
And carp at the virtue of 'elections'.
Elections were fallible.
And now things had to be put right.

He had chosen his team well.
While others might quake at the magnitude
Of their mission, they would not flinch.

They boarded the aircraft carrying with them the hopes of all true
believers.
They had the support, too, of powerful friends abroad,
Of a courageous foreign government that supported their cause,
Equipped them, trained them, and put up cash.
And when victory was won and the revolution complete
It would recognise them, and give them honour.
To it, too, must go the glory.

The plan was meticulous.
His destiny - and that of his colleagues - was in his own hands.
Flying low, he turned the aircraft towards the capital
And prayed his aim would be true.

* * *

The attack succeeded.
The President, given warning by developments elsewhere,
Chose to stay in his residence and dared them do their worst.
He was dead by evening. His regime - like his palace - rubble
around
him.

He made a final broadcast to the nation. Here is part of what he
said:
"This is surely the last opportunity I will have to address you...
With my life I will pay for defending the principles
Dear to our nation.these are my last words".

And so they were. On September 11 1973
Salvador Allende, President of Chile died,
Refusing to flee an air attack on the Presidential Palace.
His murderers, a military putsch supported by the government of the
United States,
Overthrew the democratically-elected government
And established a rein of terror that saw thousands murdered.

Thus did the date September 11
First associate terror with the United States.

==========

it's wednesday - september 11.

which means it's members only night at the gym tonight where casual goers to
the gym are NOT allowed to enter - ahhh feels like i'm in a very exclusive
club, then i realise that it's just my local leisure centre with a gym, but
like they say, ignorance is bliss, but who are "they"? Why is it that
whenever "they" say something, it's more or less correct? go figure...



isn't it great when you can make someone happy - next best thing to being happy yourself.

went to the bulldogs final match tonight... i'm not an avid fan of rugby league, let alone trying to cheer for the doggies tonight, but it was all worth while when we got our tickets for $10 instead of the usual $25.

i now know why people go to watch these games live, tv had nothing that even comes close, it's something that you'll need to experience for yourself, words cannot even begin to explain it.

anne's birthday get together was fun, slaved away all day over the stove to make two measly dishes, thai red curry and the gourmet potato salad - i'm proud of myself i am.

everyone pretty much got together at around 6ish - food was good.

desert comprised of various flavoured ice cream - ly chee, durian, jack fruit, cookies & cream and good ol' vanilla.

watched "the late show" on dvd then we brought on PICTIONARY - as good as i am =) couldn't save my team from losing, ended up coming 3rd out of 4 teams ... oh well.

myle was pissed at me - at the time i didn't know what it was about - but all is good now =)

***

had steamboat at anthony's new place at parra today, all in all a pretty good day, was pretty lazy arsed today, managed to take my dad out for a father's day lunch though, came home took a nap then headed down to anth's place.

anne dropped over at anth's place as well - she didn't look too well, mild case of food poisoning - she didn't stay for long - walked her back to her car.

met myle's cousin from london - kim.

now i'm just knackered - bloody work tomorrow - why oh why?!?!