what a disaster

it's the feeling you get when your plans don't go as planned.

sure i still had a good time tonight, but my original plan was - be home around 7 - gym it til about 8 then call her and speak to her til the cows come home about meaningless nothing.

hmm what did i actually do?
finish work
headed down to the roxbury bar had a few drinks
went to a korean restaurant an ex-work mate parents' owned
had more wine, walked down a couple of blocks after dinner to a colleagues apartment for a few more beers then eventually waving down a cab and staggering home at 12 midnight on a weekday.
wrote up this blog entry... i'm guessing i'll eventually fall asleep within the hour...

now i have work to look forward to tomorrow morning... not happy jan.

from an email i was sent today

==========

September the Eleventh

In these awful times, as we struggle to understand what is happening to our world, we must keep in mind the events of the recent past.

At dawn on September the eleventh he received his orders.
While others would attack the citadels of commerce and defence
To his team would go the greatest honour,
That of targeting the President himself.

They would attack by air the central symbol of the Infidel's power
- The Presidential Palace -
And they would take out this obscene man
And all who stood by him.

'Democracy' the infidels called it.
Let them call it thus
And carp at the virtue of 'elections'.
Elections were fallible.
And now things had to be put right.

He had chosen his team well.
While others might quake at the magnitude
Of their mission, they would not flinch.

They boarded the aircraft carrying with them the hopes of all true
believers.
They had the support, too, of powerful friends abroad,
Of a courageous foreign government that supported their cause,
Equipped them, trained them, and put up cash.
And when victory was won and the revolution complete
It would recognise them, and give them honour.
To it, too, must go the glory.

The plan was meticulous.
His destiny - and that of his colleagues - was in his own hands.
Flying low, he turned the aircraft towards the capital
And prayed his aim would be true.

* * *

The attack succeeded.
The President, given warning by developments elsewhere,
Chose to stay in his residence and dared them do their worst.
He was dead by evening. His regime - like his palace - rubble
around
him.

He made a final broadcast to the nation. Here is part of what he
said:
"This is surely the last opportunity I will have to address you...
With my life I will pay for defending the principles
Dear to our nation.these are my last words".

And so they were. On September 11 1973
Salvador Allende, President of Chile died,
Refusing to flee an air attack on the Presidential Palace.
His murderers, a military putsch supported by the government of the
United States,
Overthrew the democratically-elected government
And established a rein of terror that saw thousands murdered.

Thus did the date September 11
First associate terror with the United States.

==========

it's wednesday - september 11.

which means it's members only night at the gym tonight where casual goers to
the gym are NOT allowed to enter - ahhh feels like i'm in a very exclusive
club, then i realise that it's just my local leisure centre with a gym, but
like they say, ignorance is bliss, but who are "they"? Why is it that
whenever "they" say something, it's more or less correct? go figure...



isn't it great when you can make someone happy - next best thing to being happy yourself.

went to the bulldogs final match tonight... i'm not an avid fan of rugby league, let alone trying to cheer for the doggies tonight, but it was all worth while when we got our tickets for $10 instead of the usual $25.

i now know why people go to watch these games live, tv had nothing that even comes close, it's something that you'll need to experience for yourself, words cannot even begin to explain it.

anne's birthday get together was fun, slaved away all day over the stove to make two measly dishes, thai red curry and the gourmet potato salad - i'm proud of myself i am.

everyone pretty much got together at around 6ish - food was good.

desert comprised of various flavoured ice cream - ly chee, durian, jack fruit, cookies & cream and good ol' vanilla.

watched "the late show" on dvd then we brought on PICTIONARY - as good as i am =) couldn't save my team from losing, ended up coming 3rd out of 4 teams ... oh well.

myle was pissed at me - at the time i didn't know what it was about - but all is good now =)

***

had steamboat at anthony's new place at parra today, all in all a pretty good day, was pretty lazy arsed today, managed to take my dad out for a father's day lunch though, came home took a nap then headed down to anth's place.

anne dropped over at anth's place as well - she didn't look too well, mild case of food poisoning - she didn't stay for long - walked her back to her car.

met myle's cousin from london - kim.

now i'm just knackered - bloody work tomorrow - why oh why?!?!

the card

"hello, hello, hello...

well, well, well...
TWENTY FOUR now are we? wiser? don't think so =) but less naive? definately.
we don't know what the future holds, but i HOPE that each of the next three hundred and sixty five days of your life are filled with new and exciting possibilities - until then enjoy yourself and the rest of the day.

oh yeah, before i forget.

Happy Birthday!!"

it was the twenty fourth day of the eigth month... five days earlier...

it's quarter past twelve - i said farewell to my friend and made my way to her house, i called her, i said i'll be there soon, she said cool.

i arrived at her place shortly after, open up my boot and pulled out the bouquet of hi-lighters i had arranged earlier in the day - she came out and before any words were spoken her eyes lit up from the sight of the hi-lighters - we left it at her front door and continued on our merry way.

i didn't know where we were going, she directed me, turn right here, go to the end of the street, then left, go straight past the lights and make a left - we finally got to where she intended on taking me - now find parking she said - so i did.

we found our lunch spot - laos/thai - we ordered a couple of dishes enjoyed the cosy atmosphere the store had provided, there wasn't many people there, nervous at first, but it got comfortable by the second.

she said that this was the first of three destinations - i said you're not gonna drag me out to some desert and before i know shoot me in the back are you? - she said there aren't any deserts around here - and laughed it off...

we finished most of the food and she insisted on paying - and she did, grabbed our after meal mints (minties) and walked around the block to see if there was anything interesting to see - we found a cheap cd store, the signs were made of cheap cardboard written in poor handwriting... regardless, we ventured into the store, she ended up buying a cd - atomic kitten - their latest single (as at twenty four / eight / zero two)

we made our way back to the car conversing about meaningless nothing - nothing important enough for me to remember...

started the engine and we were off again, she guided me to the next destination, 15 minutes later we ended up at a recreational park, families having a nice saturday afternoon barbeque, men, women and children pushing their canoes into the lake just before paddling off into the distance.

after walking around for ten minutes we found ourselves a nice patch of grass, sat down and soaked up some sun rays, it was a good day. she had an objective that day, she had something tell me, from our previous conversations i've deducted that it was going to be good news.

she started : i brought you out here to tell you something - yes? but you're hiding behind your sunnies, i can't see your eyes - you want to see my eyes? - yes.

she pulled her sunnies off and dropped them onto the soft grass we were laying on, she was laying on her stomach, before she continued she uttered - my arse is burning - i said, sit up then, and make me some shade - we laughed that off as well and she continued with what she had to tell me.

it was good news, but it wasn't what i was hoping for, i was content, very content, in fact after telling what i had said six days earlier, which was a first in the entirety of my life.

she had partially reciprocated what i had told her, but there was a 'but' - it wasn't a bad 'but' where you'd expect a total opposing point to the initial statement, it was more of a compromising 'but' .

we soaked up some more sun rays got up, brushed our backsides to rid the grass that attached themselves to our jeans when we were least expected - walked to the car and continued to our third destination.

i just wanted to write about the first two thirds of the day, it was a defining day, cleared out most of the cob webs that hung over me for the last week.

i just want to say, let me know whenever you're comfortable.

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i didn't intend on writing, but ...... nevermind ....

went to natalie's 21st tonight - gee it was cold - glad i'm home with my heater on full blast, thinking happy thoughts while typing up this entry and nodding off at the same time.

something unusual happened today, i picked her up at quarter past twelve today, i gave her the bouquet of hi-lighters i got from work, she was taken back by how many i got her.

- thai for lunch
- park for a talk
- country fair aka paddy's market for the rest of the day

it was good, it was different, it got me thinking, she says she likes me, but she doesn't want to rush into things, i didn't know what to say, i'm obviously happy...

i'm just so run down at the moment that i haven't taken the time out to think about what's going to happen in the next few weeks, i really don't know.

check out my half arsed photoshop job.

*sigh*

looks like i need to hone in on my graphic design skills.

my current state of mind - bit tired, feeling pretty good, i'm seeing her tomorrow, she wants to talk - serious talk, we've never spoken on a serious note in person before, all our serious conversations take place during our phone calls - funny that.

i was geared up to having drinks and good company tonight - but everyone's got their own agenda, everyone's busy these days, everyone's paving their own lives - why did i even mention this...

honestly, i crave attention, a lot of attention but in subtle ways - maybe it's just a manifestation of my insecurities - ok, enough of this crap.

---

i'm staring off into space thinking about what to write about, i had a lot to write about today at work, i thought i'd leave it til i get home, now i don't know what's going on, finished work, headed down to the cargo bar to meet jemaine, then caught the train home with jemaine and brandan, headed over to brandan's place for some food, sat down with a nice cuppa tea and watched the knights vs broncos game - knights smashed them, 40 - 10.

i'm tired.

i have no substance.

i'm gonna read someone elses blog, maybe they've got something more interesting to say.

i could take a shower and goto sleep, but i wanted to write more about myself, hmmm - talking about myself twice in one night too much? nah, i don't do it all that often, and there's no harm, unless people who know me read this, and they know this blogger belongs to me - but WHATEVER, i have great friends, i'm sure they won't pass judgement based on what i write here...

i'm insecure at times, and it shows, i talk about my feelings alot and more often than not there's no resolve, "circular conversation" is the term i use loosely.

i adapt and apply other people's concepts to my life, i make a conscious effort to listen to my thoughts when i have second to myself, mostly during lunch, i usually have it by myself, cos nobody else has lunch at 3pm - i'm doing very tedious accounting work at a bank that doesn't value their staff, i try hard, i put a lot of effort in my work, i try to keep people happy, people in my immediate area anyway. i'm normally a pretty up tempo, cheerful happy person, it's only of late that i'm in this 'gloom' mood. mostly cos of the direction, or lack thereof, my career is going, then little 'obstacles' in my personal life.

i usually write in small short sentences, it makes you sound more sophisticated, but there's no one here i want to impress - so that who idea can just go out the window.

i'm tired, i ought to jump into bed and get some rest - but i want to still write - about nothing and mostly myself.

we have a small family here in sydney, we moved from adelaide in '86 - i have a few aunts and uncles in sydney - they have lots of kids now - they're my little cousins - there are lots of them - they're like a plague - that's an awful word, an awful word to describe my cousins with, but they're still very young, they will never find this journal, they're annoying though, that's why they're a plague.

someone just pulled up on our drive way - best bet it's one of my aunts/uncles - i can just make out their head lights through my shutters - they left - they dropped my mum off.

i was at a birthday party earlier in the evening - it was an old lady - an old lady i call grandma - she's not exactly my grandma, but everyone calls her that, because she's old, she's really old - close to 80 i reckon. i feel rather guilty, my parents asked me to go - i went to have some food, spoke to a few people and headed back home - the party was a 2 minute drive from my place, i don't feel so guilty anymore, i'm so tired i couldn't really give a toss.

i think my sentences are too long, but no body cares, i use a lot of commas though, that should make up for it? i don't think so, bad grammar is bad grammar - i did mention that i was a poor writer - you can see why.

there are a few good things i can say about myself though, i can safely say i'm pretty good in many sporting activities. basketball, tennis *thinking* pool, pretty strong swimmer and i can run pretty well.

my room's in a mess at the moment, my study table is packed with miscellaneous items:
- water spray
- 1 litre tub of moisturising cream
- a bouquet of hi-lighters
- 4 post it note pads stacked on top of the hi-lighters
- 3 books (fellowship of the ring & the two towers) an interior design book.
- 2 cans of deoderant

i'm a collector of crap - my book shelf doesn't have many books, there's an assortment of display items, some cologne, candles, a tray of crap.

wow - an entry of crap - i went off track again - i need to focus, i wanted to write about myself, ended up listing the things on my desk and bookshelf.

today, i realised the true meaning of the word "routine", as it stands, my
life is like "ground hog day" playing on repeat mode.

i have lunch almost exactly the same time, walk through the same malls, on most days, i have the same lunch, only because everything else is rather unhealthy and after lunch, i go window shopping in exactly the same stores.

i struggle to remember what goes through my head during my lunches, it's the only time i have to myself.

i'm off in a daze when i'm strolling through GBs.

i want to buy that dvd, but when would i watch it?

i'm wearing my suit, i feel rather confident, my light blue shirt and my somewhat checkered tie. i glance at people as if they are below me, that's not true though.

i search for a gift, for a friend, she's turning 24. i see a filofax, it's in a glass cabinet, i can't see the price, but i know it's pricey, it's brown, leather, some parts suede.
i won't buy it today, perhaps tomorrow, i said that yesterday as well.

it's nearly 3:30, i make my way back to the office, as i approach the front door i see chris, he's going to get some food, gee - that's a late lunch, no - i was wrong, he went to the gym during his lunch hour, he just needs some food now, fair enough.

---

i sip my low fat milk, i'm lactose intolerant, i like milk, it's low fat, but not skim, skim is kinda gross.
lactose intolerant, i'm not certain though, but my stomach makes alien like noises after drinking - i guess that's what lactose intolerance means, i'm probably wrong again, sometimes when i drink too much i need to use the bathroom.

i want to glorify myself, i thinner now, but i don't have abs, all of a sudden i don't have anything to write about, i could have said the same thing at the beginning of this entry, did i spell beginning right? hope so, i did, i just ran a spell check on it, i think faster than i type, that's why i'm never a good writer, it sounds right in my head, but when i translate what goes on in my head through my fingertips and onto this computer screen, a lot of it is just plain gibberish.

i just remembered i owe my friend $110 - i haven't forgotten, i ought to pay him back, i don't have music playing either, i usually do.

i want to talk more about myself, but i don't know where to start, i'm sure i have a lot to say about myself, i'm sure i'm the best person to ask about myself, don't you think?

five for fighting's superman is playing at the moment.

my friend's sister's friend just messaged me on msn - i'm going to say hello.

this is the end of my entry. more about myself in my next post

i was never a good writer.

no writing skills whatsoever, i'm asian who happens to speak english quite well.

i read other people's blogger, sometimes i can't understand how talented they are, although they appear very modest.

i should read some more, it might help.

i'm going to make a banner for the top of my blogger now - i know it's gonna turn out rather crap.
i don't know why i even bothered setting up a comments link - no one comes here.

Desiderata
(something desired as essential)

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember
what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline be gentle to yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars and you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

--Max Ehrmann, 1927. © Robert L. Bell

it's been awhile

many things have happened

one thing in particular i'm very happy about

manager's still a dick though

he's on 3 weeks leave

so now i can go hammer and tongs looking for a new job.

sweet as.

hi all, i took a personality test over at http://www.haleonline.com/psych/index.htm it's only 4 questions long - most parts are quite true, i don't know, judge for yourself.

here's mine anyways:

ENFP

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's there to say about you? You're an initiator of change and are keenly in tune to possibilities... you're enthusiastic, and it's contagious...you're tireless in the pursuit of newfound interests... You can anticipate the needs of others, and offer them needed help and appreciation. You bring zest, livelihood, and fun to all aspects of your life...

You're agreeable, sociable, outgoing and like to imagine yourself in the future... who will you marry? what type of work will you do? where will you live? All questions you ask yourself...you like to keep your options open...you're imaginative...curious...you prefer to understand than judge..

You see endless possibilities. You hate to be boxed into anything -- like a career -- for life...so you hesitate and resist making decisions...always look for new and novel...

You like a learning environment where the teacher takes a personal interest in you...You're motto might be: "There's always a better way or a better answer.."... when you're committed to something, you are enthusiastic to the point of preaching to the whole world about it (...like the Storm Palace?)

Your style of organization is... well, personalized. Others don't really see you as organized, though, do they? YOU know what's where, and there's a "method to your madness," huh?

You have a hard time separating work from leisure, since you have fun while you work. You're always on the lookout for new things... you like learning with others, so you'll invite 'em to join you at films, plays and classes.

When you fall in love, you study the other person in every way. The one you fall in love with is "the best ever" a lot, huh? Sheesh. But others feel unconditionally loved by you ....you fall head over heels and get in love FAST. You are charming...full of vitality...you treat others with sympathy, gentleness, and warmth...

Last part: watch out for losing your focus 'cause you wanna try too many ideas at the same time... you don't prioritize, so you can overload...also, because you're just a fun-loving animal, you might not complete important work and basic responsibilities...

ENFP: "Every day, New Fantastic Possibilities"

i like vanessa carlton's one thousand miles so much i've decided to stick the lyrics here =)

Making my way down town
Walking fast
Faces pass
And I'm home bound


Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making a way
Through the crowd


And I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you... tonight


It's always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder
If you ever think of me


Cause everything's so wrong
And I don't belong
Living in
Your precious memory


Cause I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by,oh
Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you... tonight


And I, I don't wanna let you know
I, I drown in your memory
I,I don't wanna let this go
I, I've fallen...


Making my way down town
Waking fast
Faces pass
And I'm home bound


Staring blankly ahead
Making my way
Making a way
Through the crowd


And I still need you
And I still miss you
And now I wonder
If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time, would pass us by
Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you...


If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass me by
Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you...
If I could just hold you... tonight

went to the blue mountains last weekend - very cold - cosy little cottage - 4 hr bush walk - very relaxing.

stolen!!! from my mates site googz.com =)

freaky pic of the weather in syd a couple of weeks ago.