last thursday morning i woke up to a trail of scented smoke and the aroma of chinese mushrooms... it's chinese new year 2004.

as opposed to my friends, who have a relatively quiet time - my parents celebrate it traditionally with lots of food eaten amongst lots of people, there's one thing that i've given some thought to seeing as though this year marks my quarter century of existence, the red pockets.

it use to be all good, the red pockets kept rolling in, and when i was much younger this was my only source of disposable income for the next twelve months. but over the past few years and working full time, i've started to feel guilty, i even believe that some of these people are living off the pension. everytime i get one of them pockets, i use the same phrase: 'may you be blessed with good health' - kinda made me feel better.....

and..... at the end of the day it comes down to one word: "tradition".

'twas my first day in my new role today, and as much as i hate to say - being a new job and all, i was a little disappointed.

coming from an open planned office i was a little taken back when i was placed in a little cubicle with high partitions and little sunlight - the fluorescent tube did most of the work.

my pc? i was bitterly disappointed - it still had a "y2k compliant" sticker on it, the monitor? i'd say it was slightly bigger than a gameboy AND when you try run any programs you can hear it chugging away like a fatboy armed with a tub of extra creamy vanilla ice cream trudging up city-to-surf's heartbreak hill.

the work isn't too bad, a few new things to learn, consequently getting my brain into gear after a good month and a half of festive gatherings and forced inactivity. a breath of fresh air i'd say - the question is when will i need to surface? even though the system, the people and place are all new to me - this kind of work is all too familiar.

apparently, the existing office we're located at is getting too small for this division, hence we'll be moving over to a schmick new office in the chiefley, it'll be nice.

they've given me a 3 month probationary period before reviewing my performance, i too will give this role a 3 month trial before again reviewing my situation.

two thousand and four has started off pretty peachy for me, i've got nothing to complain about really. after our nye gathering at a friend's place i spent the next few days beaching, perusing different reading material and getting my arse handed back to me by this fella in topspin.

things have really fallen into place over the past few weeks, the job offer finally came through, festivities of any excuse ensured the drinks kept flowing in the tradition we've come to know and love.

now i'm back in the office serving the last few days of my sentence, it's hard not to think about the first day i waltzed through these doors, the people are great here and although our numbers have dwindled over the last 3 months it's still sad see what i'd call the end of an era.

two of my closer colleagues have bigger and bolder plans, they've recently got hold of working visas travelling to the cold and gloom that is london for two merry years of work and booze in a holidayesque kind of way. although i've secured a role here in sydney paving my career, i can't help but be jealous of their exciting paths they'll be embarking on in three weeks time.

london, i know you're cold, always overcast and you beat us in the rugby world cup final on home soil but you nonetheless appeal to me, sooo i hope to see you soon...

update update, from today i have exactly 23 days left at work and my career hangs in the balance as i await news from a prospective employer who i've seen for 3 interviews last week. It's now tuesday, i'm telling you, you just can't go wrong in offering me the job my friends, you just can't, so pick up the phone dial my number and tell me what i need to know and everyone will be happy. Well at least tell me before i go away next week!

my xbox got jiggied, now i can play lots of games, which is good and bad. Good because i can play lots of games whenever i want, bad because playing lots of games too much isn't really that good.

i'm still a bit under the weather. endless supply of mucus i tellsya.

tired and sleepy on this monday afternoon.

i'm dreaming of a... summer holiday.

1st december today it is. 1st day of summer today it is. there's nothing worth writing about, actually i could tell you about how i can hear my echo when i get into work every morning, but who'd want to read about that. boring. bored.

i got myself one of these and now it feels like i've got square eyes.

on a break from work this morning, i was sipping my red bull (cos everyone knows i have chronic fatigue syndrome every morning) with my back towards to sun, all of a sudden in my field of vision everything started to darken, argh, i thought i was going to black out until i realised the sun just crept behind a cloud. bitch arse!

infuse for 4 minutes for a stronger coffee.

this instant coffee bag thing is crap, maybe i've over-infused. infuse is just a funky way of saying "leave it in the hot water"

"dunk the coffee bag for a better result" - i always, ALWAYS dunk my bags, everyone does, i dunked it quite vigorously as well.

anyways, that was a major let down and it was a reknown coffee brand as well, only goes to show, never trust anything 'instant'.

i saw the coffee bag sample stuck on the front cover of this week's publication of the city weekly. now i can at least say i've tried instant coffee, i saw, dunked and infused it.

it's difficult for me attach a 'regret factor' to something so trivial such as instant coffee, but the lesson remains, give it a try or regret not trying, and remember tomorrow is a brand new day.

now i'm going to try thick slices of raw fish.

i'm by myself,

on the side of a bus i see an ad with four girls in bikinis

it goes

"why do one... dufour"

then i crack up like a spastic.

I've changed, a lot, i don't know if i'm an improved or worse version of myself.

I've lost something, i feel incomplete. definately.

Friends that i've known for awhile never told me about my bad traits probably afraid of tearing a whole in my esteem, perhaps. I see my own flaws, every level headed person should be able to see their own flaws, but what if there's a blind spot? Things you don't see about yourself that isn't all that pleasant. Do people have to make it painfully clear to you before you decide to take a step back and give yourself some constructive criticism?

"accepting yourself is the first step to happiness" - that's hunky dory if you know what your good and bad traits are, cos you can work with what you know - keep the good and throw away the bad, but then we have those blind spots you know nothing about.

don't say ignorance is bliss, cos then you'll drive all your friends away and cease to make any new friends.

i hate being ignorant, it's just perceived as being inconsiderate, and at the end of the day your intentions don't count if it's not perceived properly.

i'm quite a nice person, really i am.

something i wrote on the train awhile back, i found it in the depths of my backpack.

~

it was ryan's last day today, he's leaving us for a spiffy new job with nicer tables, better computers and comfier chairs. I had my second interview with a spiffy new company as well, getting the job would be nice, but i'm not too worried if i don't, not right now anyways.
ryan held his farewell drinks at the dendy bar. now there's only 3 people left from the nine i started working with two and a half years ago. i guess they're waiting for their fat redundancy cheque, yeah, the cheque would be nice.
the girl who sits next to me at work says that my tie made me look like a highschooler, i laughed in her face condescendingly, she picks on me at work, so i don't like her very much.
i had a 'kransky' whilst waiting for the train, it's a red vulgar looking sausage. i kept it in the paper bag hiding it from view. though it's vulgar looking, it tastes pretty good...
erghh, now i'm starting to feel it, the sausage is causing a ripple effect in the sea of beer that's housed in my stomach.
i'm going to sleep now, i should feel better when i wake up.

~

since that entry, there's only one person left from my original team, and i didn't get that spiffy job i was interviewed for.

we sunk the unsinkable.

the steam-titanic had become just another regular steam-boat.

...and don't be greedy.

"if it doesn't kill you, it'll make you stronger"

i drew up a detailed budget this evening.



i'm too distraught to continue writing.

once upon a time, some poor homeless bastard got so hungry he started to eat diposed tyres.

Softened to some extent, we now call it licorice.

i tried this lunch-sized thai chilli chicken pizza the other day, today, i tried the spicy pepperoni pizza.

i'd say, they've mixed up their adjectives.

i was watching sami's section on weather this morning. Sami was at martin place in the middle a bunch of lavenders, she asked me to come down to check out the lavenders when i had a chance. So, i got changed, caught the train and got to martin place.

i saw the lavenders, i saw sami and her news crew, then i went to work.

there's this one mandarin song i've started listening to recently, i don't know what the guy's singing about, to me it could be a happy or sad song depending on my mood.

perception, control it or be controlled.

actions speak louder than words, and speculation leads you off into a tangent usually making you oblivious to the truth.