on a break from work this morning, i was sipping my red bull (cos everyone knows i have chronic fatigue syndrome every morning) with my back towards to sun, all of a sudden in my field of vision everything started to darken, argh, i thought i was going to black out until i realised the sun just crept behind a cloud. bitch arse!

infuse for 4 minutes for a stronger coffee.

this instant coffee bag thing is crap, maybe i've over-infused. infuse is just a funky way of saying "leave it in the hot water"

"dunk the coffee bag for a better result" - i always, ALWAYS dunk my bags, everyone does, i dunked it quite vigorously as well.

anyways, that was a major let down and it was a reknown coffee brand as well, only goes to show, never trust anything 'instant'.

i saw the coffee bag sample stuck on the front cover of this week's publication of the city weekly. now i can at least say i've tried instant coffee, i saw, dunked and infused it.

it's difficult for me attach a 'regret factor' to something so trivial such as instant coffee, but the lesson remains, give it a try or regret not trying, and remember tomorrow is a brand new day.

now i'm going to try thick slices of raw fish.

i'm by myself,

on the side of a bus i see an ad with four girls in bikinis

it goes

"why do one... dufour"

then i crack up like a spastic.

I've changed, a lot, i don't know if i'm an improved or worse version of myself.

I've lost something, i feel incomplete. definately.

Friends that i've known for awhile never told me about my bad traits probably afraid of tearing a whole in my esteem, perhaps. I see my own flaws, every level headed person should be able to see their own flaws, but what if there's a blind spot? Things you don't see about yourself that isn't all that pleasant. Do people have to make it painfully clear to you before you decide to take a step back and give yourself some constructive criticism?

"accepting yourself is the first step to happiness" - that's hunky dory if you know what your good and bad traits are, cos you can work with what you know - keep the good and throw away the bad, but then we have those blind spots you know nothing about.

don't say ignorance is bliss, cos then you'll drive all your friends away and cease to make any new friends.

i hate being ignorant, it's just perceived as being inconsiderate, and at the end of the day your intentions don't count if it's not perceived properly.

i'm quite a nice person, really i am.

something i wrote on the train awhile back, i found it in the depths of my backpack.

~

it was ryan's last day today, he's leaving us for a spiffy new job with nicer tables, better computers and comfier chairs. I had my second interview with a spiffy new company as well, getting the job would be nice, but i'm not too worried if i don't, not right now anyways.
ryan held his farewell drinks at the dendy bar. now there's only 3 people left from the nine i started working with two and a half years ago. i guess they're waiting for their fat redundancy cheque, yeah, the cheque would be nice.
the girl who sits next to me at work says that my tie made me look like a highschooler, i laughed in her face condescendingly, she picks on me at work, so i don't like her very much.
i had a 'kransky' whilst waiting for the train, it's a red vulgar looking sausage. i kept it in the paper bag hiding it from view. though it's vulgar looking, it tastes pretty good...
erghh, now i'm starting to feel it, the sausage is causing a ripple effect in the sea of beer that's housed in my stomach.
i'm going to sleep now, i should feel better when i wake up.

~

since that entry, there's only one person left from my original team, and i didn't get that spiffy job i was interviewed for.

we sunk the unsinkable.

the steam-titanic had become just another regular steam-boat.

...and don't be greedy.

"if it doesn't kill you, it'll make you stronger"

i drew up a detailed budget this evening.



i'm too distraught to continue writing.

once upon a time, some poor homeless bastard got so hungry he started to eat diposed tyres.

Softened to some extent, we now call it licorice.

i tried this lunch-sized thai chilli chicken pizza the other day, today, i tried the spicy pepperoni pizza.

i'd say, they've mixed up their adjectives.

i was watching sami's section on weather this morning. Sami was at martin place in the middle a bunch of lavenders, she asked me to come down to check out the lavenders when i had a chance. So, i got changed, caught the train and got to martin place.

i saw the lavenders, i saw sami and her news crew, then i went to work.

there's this one mandarin song i've started listening to recently, i don't know what the guy's singing about, to me it could be a happy or sad song depending on my mood.

perception, control it or be controlled.

actions speak louder than words, and speculation leads you off into a tangent usually making you oblivious to the truth.

been writing a lot of incoherent crap lately, so this will be a change of some sort.

hello.

i'm running out of time, it's just past twelve mid night and i haven't started the dvd yet, i know i don't have work tomorrow, but still, i have to hurry this entry through before i can start the dvd, i must. i'm not on the dole, but i have run an errand and pay a visit to the local centrelink tomorrow, that's going to waste some time as well. if i could only convert the time i've wasted from "waiting" i think i'd feel less rushed right now. i'd wait for the train, then i'd have to wait for the train to get to wherever, that's like two hours of waiting on a round trip. i'd have to wait my turn for the bathroom each morning, i also have to wait for people i meet up with for lunch - damn my punctuality. Then wait for my food, no wonder why people go for fast food, that damned skinless chicken laksa took forever, and it didn't even have shallots sprinkled on the top of it. now i have to wait til tomorrow to go wait in line in the waiting room at centrelink. in the meantime, play that dvd i say.

that was fun.

i've started buying coffee at this new place that my colleague frequents, his name is kevin but the guys behind the coffee machine call him "hash", kevin tells me a while ago they thought that he looked like a marijuana dealer and the name stuck ever since. strange, perhaps they caught him with little sachets of hash pinned up against the inside of his trench coat doing his rounds on martin place, or or or, when everyone else was having a smoke break, kevin pulled out his twin-chambered bong and started smoking on his own supplies whilst sipping on the flat white he bought from the same place. i normally get a cap, one time i got myself a flat white, and well.. it tastes exactly the same as a cap except with less froth, is that the only difference? is it?! is it?! hmm, well tickle me blind. anyway, kevin is english, thin, pale and homosexual, so if he was dealing or abusing anything it'll be those harder type drugs like heroin, not to stereotype heroin abusers to be thin, pale and gay - they're just thin and pale.

a familiar smile amongst the crowd, i had been waiting five minutes and i was hungry, but alas she'd arrived and soon enough the smile had turned into a half giggle, so i subtly checked my fly and blew my nose, but i never found out what she had been laughing at.

did you bring your lunch?
yeah i'm still on that detox thing
you know it's kinda pointless, cos you've already blown it by having those krispy kreme doughnuts on the weekend and not to mention you'll be loading up on bad stuff later on anyway.
*shrugs* i suppose, but i've only got 4 days left..

i bought my lunch and she was making her detoxifying rabbit sandwich, and as i sat down i was thinking to myself - what a great friend i have. at the time there was no reason nor doubt, i had knew it all along so i guess writing about it was all that's left to do.

she knows me well, or at least, i think she knows me well. we have different social agendas, though they occasionally coincide, we normally update and give each other transparency into our lives and more importantly into other peoples lives.

sometimes, our conversations will start with 'did you know that so and so is..' and ending with 'oh my gosh i never knew that..' or 'are you FER REAL?!'

then we'd fill in the rest of our time with meaningless chatter about things like titanium tongs, kimchee, beef bulgogi and justin timberlake, and for that i am grateful.

these starburst sour gummi worms taste fan-fan-fantastic on this f-f-fine day..

fine wouldn't do this day any justice, stupendously brilliant would be a more appropriate description.

during this stupendously brilliant day my attention was diverted to a conversation about Geishas amongst my colleagues sitting next to me. one girl says, essentially they're prostitutes, straight out no explanation whatsoever, just prostitutes. she rests her case. talk to the hand. period.

err ok then.

though, i'd like to disagree, just for argument sake, by definition they are:

"One of a class of professional women in Japan trained from girlhood in conversation, dancing, and singing in order to entertain professional or social gatherings of men."

that's their job description, however, they do sleep with men, but only at the discretion of that Geisha. Then you have prostitutes, their job description differ ever so slightly, so slightly in fact that my colleague finds it indistinguishable! sad.

~

gee it's a stupendously brilliant day.

~

...i was sitting on the bench waiting for my train home the other night, a girl sits next to me, then she spots her friend walking along the platform and she shouts out to get her attention, her friend comes over:

girl sitting next to me: "i spent 25 minutes on the treadmill tonight, oh my gawd, i was going to die, apparently the doctor says i have low blood pressure, so i think i need a bit more sugar in my diet"

then her friend continues to walk down the platform.

another friend approaches:

same girl sitting next to me before: "i spent 25 minutes on the treadmill tonight, oh my gawd, i was going to die, apparently the doctor says i have low blood pressure, so i think i need a bit more sugar in my diet"

then her friend walks off.

i get on the train, i sit down in the row of seats behind the girl that sat next to me on the platform, and just as i was about to doze off into oblivion another friend gets on the train and sits next to her... guess what?

the same girl that sat next to me on the platform: "i spent 25 minutes on the treadmill..."

i could've almost mimed her conversation milli vanilli style, but that'd be rude.

admittedly, i do the same thing as well, everyone does, unless you blog it of course, cos it'll look stupid if you post it twice?

~

i'm almost over my sickness, i got an extra box of aloe vera tissues, so i need to only go through 100 more sheets of tissue to get that one bar code to enter the competition.

~

my friend got himself an apartment, and i'm so jealous, cereal.

~

i need to go get some biscuits now, but everyone sticks their hands in there right after their toilet break. i'm not quite sure what makes biscuits so appealing right after a toilet break, that kinda puts me off, but the trick is to goto the store room and open up a completely new packet of biscuits.

~

Q: what's the deal with all these '~' ?
A: dunno, looks kinda cool.