xxx

i wonder how much she get's paid...

but there she was, strutting her stuff.

she looked like a sally.

ten, twenty maybe thirty salivating men of all ages surrounding her whistling and chanting, derogatory almost, but she's used to it. for sally it was just another night at the office, a moving office more often than not referred to as the "client site" by the working population.

sally must get paid well i thought, she was always smiling and performed her various tasks diligently and without a whim, she was very good at her job. for all we know, she might have even have loved her job. if she was only being paid award wages i'd doubt the smile on her face would have lasted for very long.

she had a very big smile, it was so big that it made her eyes look like crescent moons, like female anime characters, she smiled for the entirety of the performance, i'd say a touch over 30 minutes, mostly to the theme song of "bob the builder".

the buck was left unscathed, his pants was still on, except his hairy upper body that was tattered with paintball markings and smothered with thickened cream was for all to see.

earlier, sally had caked the buck's whole upper body with a brandless thickened cream.

sally the stripper had left through a side door, she was still smiling too, some of the guys took turns to shake her hand.i watched from afar as she scurried back into the room to grab her builders helmet that had made her skimpy outfit look like she had actually come from a construction site hence the "bob the builder" theme.

sally must get paid fairly well.

some of maneuvers she performed complete with non-toxic-dishwasher-safe props were, let's just say, interesting, but that's a story for another time preferably when alcoholic beverages are being consumed.

x...

It’s been three consecutive weeks of three consecutive Christmas parties all of which included liver-spanking amounts of drinking and gluttonous eating. Also, lately I’ve embarked on what seemed like an endless and treacherous journey to find presents for various peers because someone had decided play this cute little game called Kris Kringle, sometimes interchangeable with another game called Secret Santa. Often these two games are debated because of a technical yet minor difference.

Anyways, most Santa’s kept their promises and everyone was happy.

So on Friday, Christmas eve, I get to work early to plough through my work as quick as I can, 4pm swings around and I find myself aimlessly walking around town in the rain without my phone. Suddenly I spot a public phone and called the only number I knew by heart. Mey.

“hey, where are you?”
“Lowenbrau”
“I’m there..”

I thought that my christmas period would have had ended anti-climatically, but a friend's birthday on xmas night complete with secret santa presents and 5kgs of cooked prawns eliminated the melancholy that had shrouded me on friday night.

The only downer was when my orc horde got irradicated by the good-doers in lord of the rings Risk.


The horde will return.

i finished my first ever fantasy novel yesterday by author david gemmell, the ending was anti climatic, but all in all it was a fair initiation to the fantasy world.

i'm not an avid reader but when i do pick up a book it's usually one from the contemporary variety, but these past several days reading legend it felt refreshing like cool mountain air. perhaps it's been a welcomed change in my stale routine.

it's a phase, i know it, but the phase is still fresh so the second book has been decidedly picked up.

~

Sometimes when you think you have a problem you read about people who are less fortunate than yourself in this world. The relativity of it all reminds you of a different perspective you've forgotten to use and when used, it feels as though a load's been taken off your shoulders, less burdened, less "glass is half empty" when facing the hurdle ahead of you, which now, has been trivialised by that forgotten perspective.

sculpture by the sea

so on sunday afternoon i goto see these sculptures that are strategically placed along the bronte to bondi beach walk, creatively called "sculpture by the sea" - it's done and finished now so don't bother going to it, they're probably packing up shop and disassembling the sculptures as you read this.

a friend of ours, who had won a university medal in engineering showed us a shortcut to bronte, it turned out to be the LONGEST SHORTCUT ever, then i realised that he had some ladies in his car that he wanted to spend some quality time with - i couldn't argue or get angry with that, so good for him.

anyway, if you had walked from bronte to bondi without critically analysing each sculpture it would've taken roughly 25 minutes, we had arty farty people with us so we took 4 hours - one way.

you can purchase some of the sculptures as well, you have these black cardboard cutout dogs held up by a bit of glue and paddle pop sticks, eighteen hundred freaken bucks for EACH of these mutts. $1,800! not to mention the cardboard looked like them cheap arse cardboard boxes you pack stuff with when you move, you know, the ones that franklin gives away for free? just spraypainted black.

no offence though, alot of the sculptures were very creative, particularly that big bad ass elephant made from old TVs and a naked mannequin for its right arse cheek, but the dodgy cardboard cutout dogs were..... well..... very very dodgy.

several of the sculptures were so strategically placed that you could only enjoy its visual majesty from one angle cos if you wanted to see it from the other side you'd slip and fall off the cliff and die a miserable death.

i walked away that day unscathed except for a nasty tan line around my neck, toner legs and a small blister on my right pinky toe.

random

sometimes i forget that life is too short, every birthday and every new years eve reminds me of this but as always it's quickly wiped from my short term memory.

while standing in front of my yearly planner at work trying to mark down what days i want to take off, i quickly glance down at the box that has a big fat "31" written on it against the row marked "December"

boy and girls, the new year is looming so start thinking of new resolutions for the two double OH 5 or strive to tackle those resolutions you set yourself eleven months ago before the year is out.

unless these resolutions are trivial and relatively easy to achieve, a staggering 87% of people don't follow through their new years resolution anyway so why do we bother?

mentality shift my dear friends, mentality shift.

save more, spend less, be more confident, be less vindictive, less procrastination, balls on more line, whatever. these are all there to trigger some sort of mentality shift and hence a permanent and positive change in our personality and behaviour.

just be yourself..

we are continually being influenced by our peers, by the media and even by the very food we eat, going by this, "yourself" is ever changing. the "you" that you are today won't be drastically different from tomorrow's "you" BUT it won't be exactly the same either.

we are constantly refining ourselves, throwing away the bad and keeping the good, how can i make a better thai red curry? how can i be less of a baboon? (not that there's anything seriously wrong with baboons in general)

everyone has their own permanent indiscretions (you are not perfect xtn) ergo, we pursue to better our attributes that we have some sort of control over.

this entry's gone all over the place making tangential lines across the twenty-something's psyche.

you see my friends, all i'm trying to promote is the grabbing of the proverbial bull by the horns that's been passed onto me by countless others and this requires a mentality shift.

he needs a tissue to wipe the shiat that's coming out of his mouth

to you sir/madam i say

screw you beaotch it's ma blog!


tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock, what cha waiting, what cha waiting, what cha waiting for?


[edit]

mark is not a beaotch.

Pimp Daddy

huge font.

typewriter style.

i have a secret to share with you all

jb would call it "sensationalising"

milli would say, "another blatant attempt at increasing readership"

now, i don't know if anyone's heard this quote before, it's a rule of thumb for me..... almost.




wait for it...




























" don't worry, be happy.."




hope this helps y'all :)

i'm going to play for the nba one day.

no more fish breath.

but here's a picture i took of an insect on my windscreen.


the insect [original size]

fish breath

once there was a seal sitting on a rock near the water.

a fish swam up to the seal, pokes his head out of the water and says "hey you"

the seal looks around then replies to the fish, "who me?"

fish: yes you

seal: what can i do you for?

fish: well, you smell like me and my friends, can you do something about it please?

seal: why? what's wrong?

fish: you're giving us a bad name, it's hard enough for sea-people to tell us apart cos we all look the same, now YOU have to smell like us?

seal: i can't help it, i have to eat fish - 3 meals a day..

fish: that explains your fish breath you bastard, oh yeah one more thing, i don't care if you can juggle a beach ball on your nose and clap your flippers at the same time, let it be known that I don't respond to THREATS very well MR. I-EAT-3-FISHES-PER-DAY.

seal: meals..

fish: what?

seal: I have 3 meals of fish per day, not 3 fishes per day.

fish: whatever.


to be continued..

the wedding

these pictures are best viewed after reading xtn's post.


that pig



*sucking air gesture*


that pig messed with the wrong people


the ladies *more sucking air gesture*



uhh... confetti canon, very very cool.

budget

i feel like crap this morning. absolutely and incomprehensibly knackered.

and my wallet, it's feeling the drain as well.

now, let's talk about uhh budgeting for a second shall we?

yes, let's.

so last week,

i bought this,

and one of these.

they were planned investments but none of which were properly budgeted for. believe me when i say ebay makes it too easy. a click and a tap and it's all sorted. for more reasons why ebay is evil, please talk to our resident ebay hoe - hi riss! :) side question: has anybody tried haggling on ebay for those non-auctioned items?

but my wallet really felt the sting when i over indulged on lots of this stuff enjoyed at places such as this, this and this.

now, either i develop more self-control on friday nights or find other avenues where money could be saved to compensate for the former.

at the moment, i quite like my friday nights, and as opposed to being a problem, it's just something i need to...

tweak

sooo in the interest of maintaining the loss of self-control here's a list of some 'food-money' saving techniques that i've prepared earlier:

1. bring-food-from-home technique (thanks mum)
2. the stir through pasta sauce technique (thanks xtn)
3. the whole bbq chicken technique (thanks jb)
4. eat-other-peoples-food-at-lunch technique (thanks myle)
5. eat-other-peoples-food-at-dinner technique (thanks again myle)

if you need clarification on what these techniques entail, please see me. thanks.

crack

i started writing a blog entry about depressed people around me, but this wise guy beat me to it. then i thought i'd write about life and it's individual purpose, an introspective soul searchy kind of piece, but these three other people beat me to that as well.

so in everybody's best interest, i have this for you.

Guide: How To Tell if You Are Whipped
(in no particular order)

1. you have a visible finger print on your forehead, which coincidentally matches your girlfriend's thumb print.

2. you've seen your family doctor about a bad case of lashings on your back.

3. you have whip-lash ointment in your medicine cabinet.

4. you originally planned to have a few beers with your mates on thursday night but magically found yourself carrying shopping bags whilst waiting outside a shoe store for women.

5. whenever your girlfriend asks you for a 'favour' you always hear a whip crack, and you end up blaming these delusional whip cracking sounds on stress from work.

6. your girlfriend owns a whip, which you bought for her, on valentines day.


feel free to add your own.

notepad > word

i use notepad to write my entries, i don't like using word for blogging cos i hate:

1. how it automatically americanizes my zpelling
2. those red squiggly lines under mispelt words
3. capitalises all my i's
4. makes everything look all pretty

you can turn all that off, except for number four, but i can't be stuffed.

notepad is liberating, it gives me a sense of freedom to write however i want to write without having it tell me that i'm wrong, sure, it gives me an option to ignore my mistakes but the fact that the rules are there in the first place feels like there's pressure to conform.

also, i don't need columns nor zoom nor tables nor hmmmm...

font colour? maybe.

and don't get me started on wordpad.

no, i'm not over-analysing this

maybe just a little..

i must digress, i usually have good work ethics but sitting here squeezing out a blog entry while there's a tonne of work feels rather illicit (so is profusely using your snooze button according to a select few).

performance review? KPIs?

i've just had mine and it's been positive, now pay me my big fat bonus and don't disturb me.

so to all my blogging friends, keep blogging..

at work..

and in notepad.

ps. Cute Little Asian Girl - i still hate you.

shudder

i attended a wedding last saturday night.

and, i sat on a couples table, with two exceptions, myself and this divorced single mother of 2. her kids were naturally on the 'kids' table, but they'd come over once in awhile complaining that some other kid stole a kernal of corn from his fried rice or pulled a face on him, unprovoked of course.

later in the evening i'd walk over to say hello to some people i knew and upon my return to my table i'd hear the divorced-single-mother-of-two ask me

"how come you never asked me to dance?"

to which i replied "oh i umm took a short cut through the dance floor to say hello to my friends umm hee hee"

although i was thinking along the lines of "back the hell up! i wasn't dancing, i went to say hello to some friends which i unfortunately wasn't seated with, oh and NO i don't want to dance with you"

but i'm a nice guy, nice guys don't say these things.

then she made me drink cognac with a cheap rip off of coke (it might've been AC Cola)

then she made me dance with her.

then her kids joined us.

*shudder*

she was a polite lady, i feel slack.

sorry guys, i really wanted to come to mocha, i swears!

i'm going to write something important so i urge you all to pay close attention.

everynight before i drift off to oblivion i'd lie there thinking, just random meaningless thinking. a couple of nights ago i came up with a brilliant idea, the idea was to articulate all of those thoughts onto this blog then i'd have something interesting to write about ALL THE TIME.

now with that brilliant idea there was also an equal and opposite problem. when i got up the next day all i could remember was this new idea i had and nothing else. i have no recollection of those random thoughts whatsoever.

brilliant.

..oh, and that 'something important' thing i wanted you all to pay attention to, well uhhh i'll have to save that story for another time.

dot

I sit here again, a scene that’s all too familiar but this time I don’t want yet another blank screen.

So here are some random things I want to mention, either because I think it’s important to me or I thought it would be ok material to use for a bland entry, mostly the latter.

…

The olympic games were great, one thing though, the Americans are such showoffs, why can’t they be humble like us Australians.

My hair is boofy without gel, growing it would be an alternative.

These days I spend approx. 73% of the time at home in my room, it’s a little worrying. I got to even up the scales and spend more time in other parts of my house, that’s where a laptop and wireless net access would be handy. It’s only fair to the other rooms.

I don’t make sense a lot of the time.

Imagine a blank television screen with a moderately pitched tone constantly humming through the speakers, that’s what’s occupying my brain approx. 58% of my consciousness for the past two weeks outside of work.

I’m a cautious person.

ALIAS is on right now, I don’t like Jennifer Garner. I don’t even like the trailer to ‘suddenly 30’ and trailers are suppose to show you the best bits from the movie.

I’m really welcoming the change of weather, rain’s good, wind isn’t bad either.

yeah, ok.

i'm ok.

debbie does dallas - the musical

for the money we paid i thought it was well spent, funny, well choreographed, highly recommended. no boobies though so 4 stars.