the card

"hello, hello, hello...

well, well, well...
TWENTY FOUR now are we? wiser? don't think so =) but less naive? definately.
we don't know what the future holds, but i HOPE that each of the next three hundred and sixty five days of your life are filled with new and exciting possibilities - until then enjoy yourself and the rest of the day.

oh yeah, before i forget.

Happy Birthday!!"

it was the twenty fourth day of the eigth month... five days earlier...

it's quarter past twelve - i said farewell to my friend and made my way to her house, i called her, i said i'll be there soon, she said cool.

i arrived at her place shortly after, open up my boot and pulled out the bouquet of hi-lighters i had arranged earlier in the day - she came out and before any words were spoken her eyes lit up from the sight of the hi-lighters - we left it at her front door and continued on our merry way.

i didn't know where we were going, she directed me, turn right here, go to the end of the street, then left, go straight past the lights and make a left - we finally got to where she intended on taking me - now find parking she said - so i did.

we found our lunch spot - laos/thai - we ordered a couple of dishes enjoyed the cosy atmosphere the store had provided, there wasn't many people there, nervous at first, but it got comfortable by the second.

she said that this was the first of three destinations - i said you're not gonna drag me out to some desert and before i know shoot me in the back are you? - she said there aren't any deserts around here - and laughed it off...

we finished most of the food and she insisted on paying - and she did, grabbed our after meal mints (minties) and walked around the block to see if there was anything interesting to see - we found a cheap cd store, the signs were made of cheap cardboard written in poor handwriting... regardless, we ventured into the store, she ended up buying a cd - atomic kitten - their latest single (as at twenty four / eight / zero two)

we made our way back to the car conversing about meaningless nothing - nothing important enough for me to remember...

started the engine and we were off again, she guided me to the next destination, 15 minutes later we ended up at a recreational park, families having a nice saturday afternoon barbeque, men, women and children pushing their canoes into the lake just before paddling off into the distance.

after walking around for ten minutes we found ourselves a nice patch of grass, sat down and soaked up some sun rays, it was a good day. she had an objective that day, she had something tell me, from our previous conversations i've deducted that it was going to be good news.

she started : i brought you out here to tell you something - yes? but you're hiding behind your sunnies, i can't see your eyes - you want to see my eyes? - yes.

she pulled her sunnies off and dropped them onto the soft grass we were laying on, she was laying on her stomach, before she continued she uttered - my arse is burning - i said, sit up then, and make me some shade - we laughed that off as well and she continued with what she had to tell me.

it was good news, but it wasn't what i was hoping for, i was content, very content, in fact after telling what i had said six days earlier, which was a first in the entirety of my life.

she had partially reciprocated what i had told her, but there was a 'but' - it wasn't a bad 'but' where you'd expect a total opposing point to the initial statement, it was more of a compromising 'but' .

we soaked up some more sun rays got up, brushed our backsides to rid the grass that attached themselves to our jeans when we were least expected - walked to the car and continued to our third destination.

i just wanted to write about the first two thirds of the day, it was a defining day, cleared out most of the cob webs that hung over me for the last week.

i just want to say, let me know whenever you're comfortable.

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i didn't intend on writing, but ...... nevermind ....

went to natalie's 21st tonight - gee it was cold - glad i'm home with my heater on full blast, thinking happy thoughts while typing up this entry and nodding off at the same time.

something unusual happened today, i picked her up at quarter past twelve today, i gave her the bouquet of hi-lighters i got from work, she was taken back by how many i got her.

- thai for lunch
- park for a talk
- country fair aka paddy's market for the rest of the day

it was good, it was different, it got me thinking, she says she likes me, but she doesn't want to rush into things, i didn't know what to say, i'm obviously happy...

i'm just so run down at the moment that i haven't taken the time out to think about what's going to happen in the next few weeks, i really don't know.

check out my half arsed photoshop job.

*sigh*

looks like i need to hone in on my graphic design skills.

my current state of mind - bit tired, feeling pretty good, i'm seeing her tomorrow, she wants to talk - serious talk, we've never spoken on a serious note in person before, all our serious conversations take place during our phone calls - funny that.

i was geared up to having drinks and good company tonight - but everyone's got their own agenda, everyone's busy these days, everyone's paving their own lives - why did i even mention this...

honestly, i crave attention, a lot of attention but in subtle ways - maybe it's just a manifestation of my insecurities - ok, enough of this crap.

---

i'm staring off into space thinking about what to write about, i had a lot to write about today at work, i thought i'd leave it til i get home, now i don't know what's going on, finished work, headed down to the cargo bar to meet jemaine, then caught the train home with jemaine and brandan, headed over to brandan's place for some food, sat down with a nice cuppa tea and watched the knights vs broncos game - knights smashed them, 40 - 10.

i'm tired.

i have no substance.

i'm gonna read someone elses blog, maybe they've got something more interesting to say.

i could take a shower and goto sleep, but i wanted to write more about myself, hmmm - talking about myself twice in one night too much? nah, i don't do it all that often, and there's no harm, unless people who know me read this, and they know this blogger belongs to me - but WHATEVER, i have great friends, i'm sure they won't pass judgement based on what i write here...

i'm insecure at times, and it shows, i talk about my feelings alot and more often than not there's no resolve, "circular conversation" is the term i use loosely.

i adapt and apply other people's concepts to my life, i make a conscious effort to listen to my thoughts when i have second to myself, mostly during lunch, i usually have it by myself, cos nobody else has lunch at 3pm - i'm doing very tedious accounting work at a bank that doesn't value their staff, i try hard, i put a lot of effort in my work, i try to keep people happy, people in my immediate area anyway. i'm normally a pretty up tempo, cheerful happy person, it's only of late that i'm in this 'gloom' mood. mostly cos of the direction, or lack thereof, my career is going, then little 'obstacles' in my personal life.

i usually write in small short sentences, it makes you sound more sophisticated, but there's no one here i want to impress - so that who idea can just go out the window.

i'm tired, i ought to jump into bed and get some rest - but i want to still write - about nothing and mostly myself.

we have a small family here in sydney, we moved from adelaide in '86 - i have a few aunts and uncles in sydney - they have lots of kids now - they're my little cousins - there are lots of them - they're like a plague - that's an awful word, an awful word to describe my cousins with, but they're still very young, they will never find this journal, they're annoying though, that's why they're a plague.

someone just pulled up on our drive way - best bet it's one of my aunts/uncles - i can just make out their head lights through my shutters - they left - they dropped my mum off.

i was at a birthday party earlier in the evening - it was an old lady - an old lady i call grandma - she's not exactly my grandma, but everyone calls her that, because she's old, she's really old - close to 80 i reckon. i feel rather guilty, my parents asked me to go - i went to have some food, spoke to a few people and headed back home - the party was a 2 minute drive from my place, i don't feel so guilty anymore, i'm so tired i couldn't really give a toss.

i think my sentences are too long, but no body cares, i use a lot of commas though, that should make up for it? i don't think so, bad grammar is bad grammar - i did mention that i was a poor writer - you can see why.

there are a few good things i can say about myself though, i can safely say i'm pretty good in many sporting activities. basketball, tennis *thinking* pool, pretty strong swimmer and i can run pretty well.

my room's in a mess at the moment, my study table is packed with miscellaneous items:
- water spray
- 1 litre tub of moisturising cream
- a bouquet of hi-lighters
- 4 post it note pads stacked on top of the hi-lighters
- 3 books (fellowship of the ring & the two towers) an interior design book.
- 2 cans of deoderant

i'm a collector of crap - my book shelf doesn't have many books, there's an assortment of display items, some cologne, candles, a tray of crap.

wow - an entry of crap - i went off track again - i need to focus, i wanted to write about myself, ended up listing the things on my desk and bookshelf.

today, i realised the true meaning of the word "routine", as it stands, my
life is like "ground hog day" playing on repeat mode.

i have lunch almost exactly the same time, walk through the same malls, on most days, i have the same lunch, only because everything else is rather unhealthy and after lunch, i go window shopping in exactly the same stores.

i struggle to remember what goes through my head during my lunches, it's the only time i have to myself.

i'm off in a daze when i'm strolling through GBs.

i want to buy that dvd, but when would i watch it?

i'm wearing my suit, i feel rather confident, my light blue shirt and my somewhat checkered tie. i glance at people as if they are below me, that's not true though.

i search for a gift, for a friend, she's turning 24. i see a filofax, it's in a glass cabinet, i can't see the price, but i know it's pricey, it's brown, leather, some parts suede.
i won't buy it today, perhaps tomorrow, i said that yesterday as well.

it's nearly 3:30, i make my way back to the office, as i approach the front door i see chris, he's going to get some food, gee - that's a late lunch, no - i was wrong, he went to the gym during his lunch hour, he just needs some food now, fair enough.

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i sip my low fat milk, i'm lactose intolerant, i like milk, it's low fat, but not skim, skim is kinda gross.
lactose intolerant, i'm not certain though, but my stomach makes alien like noises after drinking - i guess that's what lactose intolerance means, i'm probably wrong again, sometimes when i drink too much i need to use the bathroom.

i want to glorify myself, i thinner now, but i don't have abs, all of a sudden i don't have anything to write about, i could have said the same thing at the beginning of this entry, did i spell beginning right? hope so, i did, i just ran a spell check on it, i think faster than i type, that's why i'm never a good writer, it sounds right in my head, but when i translate what goes on in my head through my fingertips and onto this computer screen, a lot of it is just plain gibberish.

i just remembered i owe my friend $110 - i haven't forgotten, i ought to pay him back, i don't have music playing either, i usually do.

i want to talk more about myself, but i don't know where to start, i'm sure i have a lot to say about myself, i'm sure i'm the best person to ask about myself, don't you think?

five for fighting's superman is playing at the moment.

my friend's sister's friend just messaged me on msn - i'm going to say hello.

this is the end of my entry. more about myself in my next post

i was never a good writer.

no writing skills whatsoever, i'm asian who happens to speak english quite well.

i read other people's blogger, sometimes i can't understand how talented they are, although they appear very modest.

i should read some more, it might help.

i'm going to make a banner for the top of my blogger now - i know it's gonna turn out rather crap.
i don't know why i even bothered setting up a comments link - no one comes here.

Desiderata
(something desired as essential)

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember
what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline be gentle to yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars and you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

--Max Ehrmann, 1927. © Robert L. Bell

it's been awhile

many things have happened

one thing in particular i'm very happy about

manager's still a dick though

he's on 3 weeks leave

so now i can go hammer and tongs looking for a new job.

sweet as.