quietly content

i dream of sitting at a cafe on lazy saturday morning, situated along a cobble stoned road. i see unfamiliar faces in an unfamiliar place yet comforting. i possess the knowledge that the layers of icey commitments from the big smoke are slowly melting away.

off to my left there's a small foot bridge leading into labyrinth of other interconnected cobble stoned streets. away from the cafe the scene twists and changes to another town, something familiar yet strangely odd the way the city greets you. you decide to save the sight seeing for later and make haste for your little concrete cottage perched a storey or two off the firmness of land. tree strewn streets with lightly greened leaves making way for spring.

you close your eyes and get thrown through the vortex for when you open your eyes you see a vast blue sea and giant hills with blue roofed white terraces situated at the height.

ahh... 35 degrees.

what a crappy week

1. incapacitated myself after going for a pansy layup during tuesday night bball, a slight tear in the lateral cruciate ligament.

2. swans getting beat by the eagles in the afl grand final by the narrowest of margins, 1 fricken point.

3. broncos winning the league grand final.

sons of bitches.

..and well......

Friday, 22nd July 2006...

verbal offer

resignation

formal offer

4 weeks - zoom zoom..

farewell lunch - friends

farewell lunch- work

farewell speech

farewell drinks - work

farewell drinks - friends

training day 1

training day 2





and...




then...




Wednesday, 23rd August 2006 8:30am.

so i get to my new building a little too early, i'm no eager beaver, so i sit around the block on a bench sipping a large soy mocha ($2.40 - cheap!). didn't want any cow-milk this morning incase my body couldn't fight the lactose, my body only sometimes wins the lactose war.

so i count the minutes 8:39am, the large soy mocha turned out to be craphouse (too hot, too soy-milky, $2.40 - not so cheap!) but i continue drinking it giving myself something to do before i call my would-be manager to let me in.

8:45am, i call and they let me in.

all of a sudden it's 12:30, luckily oportos' just around the corner, excellent! i thought, a familiar sight!

"regular bondi meal thanks!"

*gobble*

*slurp*

what happened? i thought, that went by rather quickly...

got my log on, so i logged on,

got given lots of reading material, so i read a little.

north sydney is nice and laid back, but it'll probably drive me insane, it's so businessey with chunks of school children during lunch and nothing that really interests me.

i attempt to navigate from the station all the way out to berry st and back to walker st through a labyrinth of cafes, pharmacies, more cafes, food court, cafe, food court, cafe, florist, cafe, cafe, cafe, small food court, big food court and a mini food court next door to my building.

oportos saved my life. i'll be eating there tomorrow i reckon.

and..... they use lotus notes, it's not bad, but it's an ugly mofo.

splish splash bzzzzT!

so, i find my inspiration either writing an entry during my work day or getting slightly intoxicated.

now,

i've had 3 beers after NSW suffered a come back defeat at the hands of the maroons. what a drag. i don't feel that much more inspired, but the state of my condition has urged me write this.

*sips*

a friend of mine took great offense when, during a conversation at an event called, "the orientation of a savvy lifestyle", that all accountants were boring, she being the accountant and all.

that's been a stereotype since the beginning of time, but being a pseudo accountant myself. i'm not qualified or anything but i do know my debits from my credits and being in the industry for the last 4 and a half years, i could see why it could change the most dynamic bad to the bone wild child mofo to a dull scarf knitting, scone eating, scrabble playing submissive............ being.

i'm at a crossroad in my career. the good news is, i've decided to move along, try something different, i'm probably not the most talented person this side of sydney, but i'll give it a red hot go. why not, like they all say, life's short, work hard and play harder.

the bad news is, i've realised i've been pigeon holed, branded an accountant with a lack of experience that'll make me a valuable asset in the chosen career that i've decided to switch over to.

job agencies tell me this all the time. 9 out of 10 agencies will try place you in a simular type of role, make themselves a quick buck. fortunately for me, i've stumbled onto an agency that kinda cares, or at least i think they do.

little steps, i tell myself, why swim in the deep end if you can't swim? i thought about this, when faced with dire consequences most people rise to the occassion and pull a rabbit out of their buttocks. eg QLD in the decider tonight against NSW.

Some of these bad ass roles i've been put forward for are ocean deep. What do you do? what do i do? focus! 'anything's achievable', i tell myself.

"so what are your remuneration expectations for this role, keeping in mind that you have no experience in this field of work"

well, let's aim for as much as they're willing to pay me.

so i tell her what kind of money i'm on and my willingness to forgo a handsome amount of money if i landed the job. so she scribbles this down, and before i left the agency i told her to put in brackets, O.N.O.

"O.N.O? what's that?" she asks.

"or near offer"

you mean, you've never read the trading post?

ever?

then on second thoughts, yeah that isn't very professional, how about just "negotiable"?

excellent.

so i was on my way, i should hear back from her soon.

taking over the world

i had a ploy, a plan to take over the world, it's in a perferated notebook sitting in the bottom of a box i packed away before i moved out. i only recently rediscovered this notebook, i'm in the process of implementing my taking over the world plan.

heed my words.

watch this space.

Congratulations

"what do you mean my degree's been revoked?!?!!?"



ahh all sorted...



finally safe in your own hands...


congratulations again mey, a long and arduous road, well deserved.

e

i've been logging onto ebay so much these days i can't keep count, scrumming through the tonnes upon tonnes of rubble to find a bargain or two. it's a cyber flea market, you might find bargains and total duds but the fun is in the rummaging.

all ears

john legend, from the few tracks that i've heard i think he lives up to the hype, imo.

anyways,

pick yourself up and dust youself off,

there's always someone worse off than yourself.

to the friend i've known since seventh grade, i know you don't understand how it's gone so horribly wrong, neither do i, i don't have the answers you're looking for, but for the sake of everyone who cares for you, please please look after yourself, take one day at a time, take one step at a time, please eat and try smile.

when nasty takes a holiday..

i would've posted a caption for each picture.. but all that came to mind was "damn that's so nasty!"

achievements...

a couple of years ago if i had to sit down a couple days into the new year i'd have a few things to say about the year that had just been in this entry.

that had also been a time when i spent a lot of time reading other people's blog plagiarising other people's writing styles, honing my own writing skills or lack there of.

then i realised a big part of 'writing' was also dependant on one's experience (ie the substance of any particular entry) and the ability to translate these experiences into smooth, fluent and coherent sentences.

invariably people change, and my interest in writing creatively dimmed to a low glow and as of writing this entry i still have no intention to fan it back to life.

meanwhile there are new and existing blogs that i find myself reading more regularly neglecting my own blog and wondering when i had stopped wanting to write.

so here i am, facing off with the 'create blog entry' screen tapping away quietly on this laptop with a hopes of spitting out an entry that may or may not have any point, speaking of laptops, the tom hanks and meg ryan movie "you've got mail" gave me this crazy idea that typing on a laptop actually enhances your writing abilities.

now, what i had in mind was to quickly jot down what had gone on at the new years eve party in prose form, something poetic and excellent.

but, everything that happened the other night came into my head in point form. i don't think point form cuts it these days.

blogging is a brutal business, it's tough when you need to gain and maintain a reading audience THEN you get misled by fake ass bastard comments made by random fake ass bloggers promoting things like home loans, scaffolding and child care who lie about good your blog is.

great...

so besides giving my liver a real spanking and feeding my belly with delicious beer calories one of the things i could remember was playing spin-the-sexual-truth-or-dare-bottle. it's just like truth or dare, except all the questions and dares were of a sexual nature. everyone who played chose sexual truth because i didn't think anyone would've wanted to have sex with anyone else there. no one was drunk enough i thought, and i would've definately made someone have sex with somebody from the party if they had lost and chose sexual dare.

one of the co-hosts left the sexual truth or dare group for a quick pee but he didn't come back to the circle of sexual interrogations, i later found him comatosed on his bed. funnily enough the guys ended up taking turns straddling his ass, everyone did it free of charge and they didn't even have to lose in sexual truth or dare.

rightly so that i spent new years eve with a bunch of friends i've seen for the larger part of 05 and i've had a good 05 myself which included leaving home, gaining a fake promotion and meeting my special lady.

oh yeah, one thing i'm not happy about though, i need to excercise more, i'm so fat. i blame it on beer, the heat - you can't excercise in the heat cos people die and lastly i blame it on the boogie.

..and i thought that it was the end of a journey i have enjoyed thus far.

at the time of course, that's what i thought, now that i've summoned the power of hindsight..

dark, cold and windy, i never thought i'd ever see a waterfall go back up the mountain, it was indeed beautiful, a spectacle that needed no words, we were stuck in one place, no way forward and no way back.

chess boards, checker boards and fifty two playing cards were permanent residents of this oversized cottage, a conglomeration of cultures, nationalities and odours.

i've forgotten what she found so upsetting, honestly, perhaps the green curry was too runny? too coconutty? the rice was definately too soft, too much water i thought, who cooked the rice again?

then it began, an avalanche of water and gales of wind produced horizontal rain and an ironic waterfall.

it was beautiful.

on the top bunk looking out the window, roof dripping rain, a small window of contemplation.

holy guacamole! they're coming back - act. normal.

ahhh wine country...




....after 4 tasting sessions....

ahhhehahrrrgg wine country....

almost..

i'm almost there.

i saw it again today.

it's not big deal for some but it's a big deal for me.

the dishwasher door is jammed but a complaint is being drafted...

all i know is, rain, hail or shine i'm picking up the keys to me and my bank's spanking new apartment at 4pm friday afternoon.

too bad so sad for me, i'm leaving for the hunter valley saturday morning, at one point i contemplated sleeping at my new place on friday night, no bed, no tv and no food but the carpet's soft enough.

~~~~

it's been awhile, but i still write my entries at work, during work hours. i've told some of you that it's hectic at work, yes it is, but you reach a point after weeks of overtime and weekend work where your brain just fizzles down to a stand still. so you blog.

i could probably write an entry venting about work, but that's boring, so instead i write about writing about venting about work.

creative.

yeah, kinda hurts.

on this dreary sunday, work forces me into the office for a sub-productive seven hours. i cruise home at the speed limit and my mind drifts back to the night before.

i get over to her place early, but i'm told she's out running errands for her family. after several minutes she returns, i make fleeting glances in her direction and before i know it she comes out dressed and looking her usual best.

i think to myself, i'm lucky - no, actually, i'd say i'm fortunate, considering how the year's unfolded thus far.

if you're reading, i'd like to say: hi, hope to see you soon..



~~~~


party.

the place was familiar, likewise the music and the random faces i came across, but speaking to a few people today, we couldn't help but notice the whole feel about it all was a little off centre. what use to be fortnightly dance parties have now simmered down to annual events. perhaps, we're getting old or our idea of a good time has changed somewhat over the course of the past twelve months.

i think i'll go watch some tv now.

hi, can i speak to yui please?

yes speaking.

well, about your strata report, the firm we usually commission don't do strata reports anymore, that's why your strata report is late.

ohh uhh ok, as long as the report is quality, and more importantly, gives me peace of mind, but i don't like that it's taking so long not to mention the vendor's getting impatient, so he's getting his minions to call me every so often. Two Pronged attack!

Two pronged attack?

yeah two pronged attack, late strata report and this Mr King fella with his piece-of-shit-deep-husky-real-estate-agent voice.

oh well, we'll keep you updated about your strata report, talk to you soon.

thanks mate, laters!

----

Buying a place is very daunting, there are so many people you have to deal with and when your hard earned cash is involved it gets a little personal.

My solicitor, he's nice, explains everything to me in fine detail and he feels like my bestest friend in the whole widest world.

On the way home from our first meeting I couldn't help but smile at how helpful this guy is...

but he

HAS

TO

BE

helpful!

HE HAS TO BEEE!!

i'm paying this fool good money. His english is a little broken and he's got what looks like smoke-stained teeth but he sounds like he knows his stuff. He's got a picture of his 6 year old daughter on his desk, so he doesn't have the heart to jack me up, i KNOW what his daughter looks like.

i don't wanna be jacked up.

not long now friends.

update y'all soon.

my brain refuses to absorb.

big problem.

so there's these two guys sitting in a windowless room, for dramatic effect, they sit at a desk with a desklamp.

rob and bob.

rob and bob are good friends, those sorts of friendships that comes once around once in a blue blue moon.

they think of one another as the decent no nonsense straight-shooter type of guy.
bob says to rob, "damn you're as ugly as hell."

rob being the man that he is, cops it on the chin, although he values bob's opinion he knows that 1) beauty is in the eye of the beholder and 2) opinions are different perspectives of thought and judgement.

rob doesn't say anything right away, he goes away and thinks on it.

a few days later in the same windowless room, rob says to bob, "goddamn you bob! why do you say these hurtful things for?"

bob replies, "well rob, as a matter of fact...."

mid sentence a door mystically formed on the wall of this windowless room, both men walk outside onto a vast green meadow they see that the sky is clear and the sun is beaming down with its warm rays. in the distance they see each others home.

rob turns to bob, "you were saying?...."

bob says, "oh yes, as a matter of fact, you're quite a pretty man"

with that, they walked home, together and ate apple pie.

the end.

my blog's been chugging away - struggling to load due to those re-sized but relatively large pictures from new years eve.

this entry ought to push it into the 'to be archived' basket.

now that that's out of the way..

xtn's post about his mother inspired me to tell everyone that i bought my mum wooly ug boots made from the finest sheep skin money can buy - imported directly from big w.

iddy biddy

Some dude crack my jaw with his shoulder and floored me a few times last night in basketball.

I know why.

He got upset when I laughed after sinking a shot.

Wasn’t my fault, a friend of mine pulled a funny face on the sideline.

----------

My car has well and truly bitten the bullet.

Driving down George street like someone just smoke bombed my car, I was getting sideways glances and turned a few heads.

Come on guys, it’s just a camry. (I thought)

I take a quick look in the rear view and I see thick white smoke billowing from the back of my car.

Great.

Just. Fucking. Great.

It's definately Goneski.

----------

A friend of mine was complaining that he was too boring.

What does that really mean though?

I think..

Two things.

One, it’s a difference between those who are more and those who are less experienced in different facets of life. It could be about your travels, you job, everyday encounters etc.

Two, you may have good experiences to talk about, but if you’re an introvert then you’d be less likely to articulate those experiences as opposed to someone that’s extroverted.

Ideally those who are extroverted and well experienced tend to be interesting.

No one's BORN interesting and vice versa.

If you don’t have experiences to draw upon but you’re quick thinking, you can make up crap. A branch off making up your own stories/crap is that you need be a good and consistent story teller. Some writers say that it’s not what you write about, it’s how you write it.

It’s all in the delivery my friends.

back

So, it’s been 3 weeks since returning from New Zealand.

Add a super long weekend to after that.

Then

A birthday shindig.

And you get 5 weeks of good times – memorable at the very least.

I’m not going to bother with a NZ write up, a whole post of “and then’s” isn’t going to be any fun to read so I’ll leave you with a one word description about NZ, simply and truthfully “breathtaking”.

Back to the rat race and some form of normality, maybe.

Perhaps it’s about time to roll up my sleeves and get that place in Ashfield.

Damn I’m lazy.

hello

hello friends,

i've literally been hard at work tying up loose ends before i set off for new zealand for two weeks.

this was going to be an introspective entry but the level of comfort of me doing that here now has gone down a fair bit. these days, everything's in my head, resolved or unresolved it sits there, waiting in long queue to be addressed by my consciousness.

speaking of which, i haven't been one to divulge even half truths on this blasted blog.

it's less than 24 hours before i fly and i'm looking forward to couple of hours at the airport browsing duty free stores and watching other travellers making last minute preparations, wonder where they're going i've thought.

now that i think about it, maybe i should strike up a few conversations while i'm at the international terminal, or maybe i should just announce where i'm going complete with waving arms as i make my way through the waiting area to macdonalds, everyone seems to eat before a flight, perhaps they've been too busy making sure they haven't forgotten bring anything that they've in fact forgotten to EAT! it happens..

perhaps.

see youse in a couple of weeks.

xxx

i wonder how much she get's paid...

but there she was, strutting her stuff.

she looked like a sally.

ten, twenty maybe thirty salivating men of all ages surrounding her whistling and chanting, derogatory almost, but she's used to it. for sally it was just another night at the office, a moving office more often than not referred to as the "client site" by the working population.

sally must get paid well i thought, she was always smiling and performed her various tasks diligently and without a whim, she was very good at her job. for all we know, she might have even have loved her job. if she was only being paid award wages i'd doubt the smile on her face would have lasted for very long.

she had a very big smile, it was so big that it made her eyes look like crescent moons, like female anime characters, she smiled for the entirety of the performance, i'd say a touch over 30 minutes, mostly to the theme song of "bob the builder".

the buck was left unscathed, his pants was still on, except his hairy upper body that was tattered with paintball markings and smothered with thickened cream was for all to see.

earlier, sally had caked the buck's whole upper body with a brandless thickened cream.

sally the stripper had left through a side door, she was still smiling too, some of the guys took turns to shake her hand.i watched from afar as she scurried back into the room to grab her builders helmet that had made her skimpy outfit look like she had actually come from a construction site hence the "bob the builder" theme.

sally must get paid fairly well.

some of maneuvers she performed complete with non-toxic-dishwasher-safe props were, let's just say, interesting, but that's a story for another time preferably when alcoholic beverages are being consumed.

x...

It’s been three consecutive weeks of three consecutive Christmas parties all of which included liver-spanking amounts of drinking and gluttonous eating. Also, lately I’ve embarked on what seemed like an endless and treacherous journey to find presents for various peers because someone had decided play this cute little game called Kris Kringle, sometimes interchangeable with another game called Secret Santa. Often these two games are debated because of a technical yet minor difference.

Anyways, most Santa’s kept their promises and everyone was happy.

So on Friday, Christmas eve, I get to work early to plough through my work as quick as I can, 4pm swings around and I find myself aimlessly walking around town in the rain without my phone. Suddenly I spot a public phone and called the only number I knew by heart. Mey.

“hey, where are you?”
“Lowenbrau”
“I’m there..”

I thought that my christmas period would have had ended anti-climatically, but a friend's birthday on xmas night complete with secret santa presents and 5kgs of cooked prawns eliminated the melancholy that had shrouded me on friday night.

The only downer was when my orc horde got irradicated by the good-doers in lord of the rings Risk.


The horde will return.

i finished my first ever fantasy novel yesterday by author david gemmell, the ending was anti climatic, but all in all it was a fair initiation to the fantasy world.

i'm not an avid reader but when i do pick up a book it's usually one from the contemporary variety, but these past several days reading legend it felt refreshing like cool mountain air. perhaps it's been a welcomed change in my stale routine.

it's a phase, i know it, but the phase is still fresh so the second book has been decidedly picked up.

~

Sometimes when you think you have a problem you read about people who are less fortunate than yourself in this world. The relativity of it all reminds you of a different perspective you've forgotten to use and when used, it feels as though a load's been taken off your shoulders, less burdened, less "glass is half empty" when facing the hurdle ahead of you, which now, has been trivialised by that forgotten perspective.

sculpture by the sea

so on sunday afternoon i goto see these sculptures that are strategically placed along the bronte to bondi beach walk, creatively called "sculpture by the sea" - it's done and finished now so don't bother going to it, they're probably packing up shop and disassembling the sculptures as you read this.

a friend of ours, who had won a university medal in engineering showed us a shortcut to bronte, it turned out to be the LONGEST SHORTCUT ever, then i realised that he had some ladies in his car that he wanted to spend some quality time with - i couldn't argue or get angry with that, so good for him.

anyway, if you had walked from bronte to bondi without critically analysing each sculpture it would've taken roughly 25 minutes, we had arty farty people with us so we took 4 hours - one way.

you can purchase some of the sculptures as well, you have these black cardboard cutout dogs held up by a bit of glue and paddle pop sticks, eighteen hundred freaken bucks for EACH of these mutts. $1,800! not to mention the cardboard looked like them cheap arse cardboard boxes you pack stuff with when you move, you know, the ones that franklin gives away for free? just spraypainted black.

no offence though, alot of the sculptures were very creative, particularly that big bad ass elephant made from old TVs and a naked mannequin for its right arse cheek, but the dodgy cardboard cutout dogs were..... well..... very very dodgy.

several of the sculptures were so strategically placed that you could only enjoy its visual majesty from one angle cos if you wanted to see it from the other side you'd slip and fall off the cliff and die a miserable death.

i walked away that day unscathed except for a nasty tan line around my neck, toner legs and a small blister on my right pinky toe.

random

sometimes i forget that life is too short, every birthday and every new years eve reminds me of this but as always it's quickly wiped from my short term memory.

while standing in front of my yearly planner at work trying to mark down what days i want to take off, i quickly glance down at the box that has a big fat "31" written on it against the row marked "December"

boy and girls, the new year is looming so start thinking of new resolutions for the two double OH 5 or strive to tackle those resolutions you set yourself eleven months ago before the year is out.

unless these resolutions are trivial and relatively easy to achieve, a staggering 87% of people don't follow through their new years resolution anyway so why do we bother?

mentality shift my dear friends, mentality shift.

save more, spend less, be more confident, be less vindictive, less procrastination, balls on more line, whatever. these are all there to trigger some sort of mentality shift and hence a permanent and positive change in our personality and behaviour.

just be yourself..

we are continually being influenced by our peers, by the media and even by the very food we eat, going by this, "yourself" is ever changing. the "you" that you are today won't be drastically different from tomorrow's "you" BUT it won't be exactly the same either.

we are constantly refining ourselves, throwing away the bad and keeping the good, how can i make a better thai red curry? how can i be less of a baboon? (not that there's anything seriously wrong with baboons in general)

everyone has their own permanent indiscretions (you are not perfect xtn) ergo, we pursue to better our attributes that we have some sort of control over.

this entry's gone all over the place making tangential lines across the twenty-something's psyche.

you see my friends, all i'm trying to promote is the grabbing of the proverbial bull by the horns that's been passed onto me by countless others and this requires a mentality shift.

he needs a tissue to wipe the shiat that's coming out of his mouth

to you sir/madam i say

screw you beaotch it's ma blog!


tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock, what cha waiting, what cha waiting, what cha waiting for?


[edit]

mark is not a beaotch.

Pimp Daddy

huge font.

typewriter style.

i have a secret to share with you all

jb would call it "sensationalising"

milli would say, "another blatant attempt at increasing readership"

now, i don't know if anyone's heard this quote before, it's a rule of thumb for me..... almost.




wait for it...




























" don't worry, be happy.."




hope this helps y'all :)

i'm going to play for the nba one day.

no more fish breath.

but here's a picture i took of an insect on my windscreen.


the insect [original size]

fish breath

once there was a seal sitting on a rock near the water.

a fish swam up to the seal, pokes his head out of the water and says "hey you"

the seal looks around then replies to the fish, "who me?"

fish: yes you

seal: what can i do you for?

fish: well, you smell like me and my friends, can you do something about it please?

seal: why? what's wrong?

fish: you're giving us a bad name, it's hard enough for sea-people to tell us apart cos we all look the same, now YOU have to smell like us?

seal: i can't help it, i have to eat fish - 3 meals a day..

fish: that explains your fish breath you bastard, oh yeah one more thing, i don't care if you can juggle a beach ball on your nose and clap your flippers at the same time, let it be known that I don't respond to THREATS very well MR. I-EAT-3-FISHES-PER-DAY.

seal: meals..

fish: what?

seal: I have 3 meals of fish per day, not 3 fishes per day.

fish: whatever.


to be continued..

the wedding

these pictures are best viewed after reading xtn's post.


that pig



*sucking air gesture*


that pig messed with the wrong people


the ladies *more sucking air gesture*



uhh... confetti canon, very very cool.

budget

i feel like crap this morning. absolutely and incomprehensibly knackered.

and my wallet, it's feeling the drain as well.

now, let's talk about uhh budgeting for a second shall we?

yes, let's.

so last week,

i bought this,

and one of these.

they were planned investments but none of which were properly budgeted for. believe me when i say ebay makes it too easy. a click and a tap and it's all sorted. for more reasons why ebay is evil, please talk to our resident ebay hoe - hi riss! :) side question: has anybody tried haggling on ebay for those non-auctioned items?

but my wallet really felt the sting when i over indulged on lots of this stuff enjoyed at places such as this, this and this.

now, either i develop more self-control on friday nights or find other avenues where money could be saved to compensate for the former.

at the moment, i quite like my friday nights, and as opposed to being a problem, it's just something i need to...

tweak

sooo in the interest of maintaining the loss of self-control here's a list of some 'food-money' saving techniques that i've prepared earlier:

1. bring-food-from-home technique (thanks mum)
2. the stir through pasta sauce technique (thanks xtn)
3. the whole bbq chicken technique (thanks jb)
4. eat-other-peoples-food-at-lunch technique (thanks myle)
5. eat-other-peoples-food-at-dinner technique (thanks again myle)

if you need clarification on what these techniques entail, please see me. thanks.

crack

i started writing a blog entry about depressed people around me, but this wise guy beat me to it. then i thought i'd write about life and it's individual purpose, an introspective soul searchy kind of piece, but these three other people beat me to that as well.

so in everybody's best interest, i have this for you.

Guide: How To Tell if You Are Whipped
(in no particular order)

1. you have a visible finger print on your forehead, which coincidentally matches your girlfriend's thumb print.

2. you've seen your family doctor about a bad case of lashings on your back.

3. you have whip-lash ointment in your medicine cabinet.

4. you originally planned to have a few beers with your mates on thursday night but magically found yourself carrying shopping bags whilst waiting outside a shoe store for women.

5. whenever your girlfriend asks you for a 'favour' you always hear a whip crack, and you end up blaming these delusional whip cracking sounds on stress from work.

6. your girlfriend owns a whip, which you bought for her, on valentines day.


feel free to add your own.

notepad > word

i use notepad to write my entries, i don't like using word for blogging cos i hate:

1. how it automatically americanizes my zpelling
2. those red squiggly lines under mispelt words
3. capitalises all my i's
4. makes everything look all pretty

you can turn all that off, except for number four, but i can't be stuffed.

notepad is liberating, it gives me a sense of freedom to write however i want to write without having it tell me that i'm wrong, sure, it gives me an option to ignore my mistakes but the fact that the rules are there in the first place feels like there's pressure to conform.

also, i don't need columns nor zoom nor tables nor hmmmm...

font colour? maybe.

and don't get me started on wordpad.

no, i'm not over-analysing this

maybe just a little..

i must digress, i usually have good work ethics but sitting here squeezing out a blog entry while there's a tonne of work feels rather illicit (so is profusely using your snooze button according to a select few).

performance review? KPIs?

i've just had mine and it's been positive, now pay me my big fat bonus and don't disturb me.

so to all my blogging friends, keep blogging..

at work..

and in notepad.

ps. Cute Little Asian Girl - i still hate you.

shudder

i attended a wedding last saturday night.

and, i sat on a couples table, with two exceptions, myself and this divorced single mother of 2. her kids were naturally on the 'kids' table, but they'd come over once in awhile complaining that some other kid stole a kernal of corn from his fried rice or pulled a face on him, unprovoked of course.

later in the evening i'd walk over to say hello to some people i knew and upon my return to my table i'd hear the divorced-single-mother-of-two ask me

"how come you never asked me to dance?"

to which i replied "oh i umm took a short cut through the dance floor to say hello to my friends umm hee hee"

although i was thinking along the lines of "back the hell up! i wasn't dancing, i went to say hello to some friends which i unfortunately wasn't seated with, oh and NO i don't want to dance with you"

but i'm a nice guy, nice guys don't say these things.

then she made me drink cognac with a cheap rip off of coke (it might've been AC Cola)

then she made me dance with her.

then her kids joined us.

*shudder*

she was a polite lady, i feel slack.

sorry guys, i really wanted to come to mocha, i swears!

i'm going to write something important so i urge you all to pay close attention.

everynight before i drift off to oblivion i'd lie there thinking, just random meaningless thinking. a couple of nights ago i came up with a brilliant idea, the idea was to articulate all of those thoughts onto this blog then i'd have something interesting to write about ALL THE TIME.

now with that brilliant idea there was also an equal and opposite problem. when i got up the next day all i could remember was this new idea i had and nothing else. i have no recollection of those random thoughts whatsoever.

brilliant.

..oh, and that 'something important' thing i wanted you all to pay attention to, well uhhh i'll have to save that story for another time.

dot

I sit here again, a scene that’s all too familiar but this time I don’t want yet another blank screen.

So here are some random things I want to mention, either because I think it’s important to me or I thought it would be ok material to use for a bland entry, mostly the latter.

…

The olympic games were great, one thing though, the Americans are such showoffs, why can’t they be humble like us Australians.

My hair is boofy without gel, growing it would be an alternative.

These days I spend approx. 73% of the time at home in my room, it’s a little worrying. I got to even up the scales and spend more time in other parts of my house, that’s where a laptop and wireless net access would be handy. It’s only fair to the other rooms.

I don’t make sense a lot of the time.

Imagine a blank television screen with a moderately pitched tone constantly humming through the speakers, that’s what’s occupying my brain approx. 58% of my consciousness for the past two weeks outside of work.

I’m a cautious person.

ALIAS is on right now, I don’t like Jennifer Garner. I don’t even like the trailer to ‘suddenly 30’ and trailers are suppose to show you the best bits from the movie.

I’m really welcoming the change of weather, rain’s good, wind isn’t bad either.

yeah, ok.

i'm ok.

debbie does dallas - the musical

for the money we paid i thought it was well spent, funny, well choreographed, highly recommended. no boobies though so 4 stars.

scenario one
you get up at 6am, it's cold and there's no food anywhere so you skip breakfast and get ready quickly in the hopes of catching your train to work on time, provided that your train DOES actually come on time.

it's a 10 minute car ride out to the station with another 5 minute wait til the train hits your platform, you get on with 20 loud giggling high schoolers in your carriage and the chances of getting squashed up against the side of the train by a large gross smelling man whilst being puked on is quite high.

it's another 10 minute walk from the station to your office, the people who get off the train aren't very happy people, and there are lots these people. during those 10 minutes you could be tripped, kicked, spat, laughed and groped by other unhappy train commuters.

you finally get to work, do your 8.5 hours and the battle you thought you'd won this morning had a sequel - the long ride home.

scenario two
you get up at 8, your room has been somewhat warmed by the sun, you take a nice hot shower and come out to a bacon and egg breakfast with hot buttered toast.

the birds are chirping whilst the radio is playing in the background. your eyes are glued to the morning news on tv as you slip socks onto your feet.

you leave your apartment and make for the bus stop in a skipping fashion, everyone else is also skipping. there's an accordion player busking near the bus stop, his tunes reminds you of the only french film you've ever seen and it's comforting.

the bus ride is smooth and uncrowded. there's a fruit platter near the driver and a hot chick making free boost-juice-esque fruit shakes or if you prefer your choice of coffee; mocha? latte? CAPPUCCINO? it's all there and it's free.

before you know it your bus stops outside your office and as you get out the driver says "have a good day my friend" and tosses you an apple for the road.


which scenario would you choose?

let me let you all in on a little secret
scenario 1 - living at home far far away
scenario 2 - moving out and living near the city

it'll happen.

view from our lodge @ thredbo - saturday morning


it was awesome.

snowboarding is awesome.

skiing looks girly, but i'm pretty sure that's awesome as well.

gone tomorrow back sunday

saturday
6:30am - i awake
7:30am - skirmish starts
Noon - lunch
2:30pm - skirmish ends and i take home several reminders mainly on my arms and thighs
3:30pm - i get home - quick shower
4:45pm - i get to PNW (Phi's Net Weekend - net cafe style gaming) - game playing starts
9:30pm - kfc dinner break
10:00pm - resume game playing

sunday
7:30am - game playing break - i take a 2 hour nap
9:30am - i awake - resume game playing
Noon - kfc lunch break
12:30pm - resume game playing
5:00pm - PNW ends - game playing ends
6:30pm - i get home - shower - it's the first time i've showered or brushed my teeth in over 24 hours
7:00pm - in bed
6:30am monday morning - i awake for work

i

am

so

very
 
tired!
 
but it was fun.

the weekend that was a day longer than usual

At one point we were jammin' to pete murray's beautiful but we were really just a few asians pretending to know how to play a guitar and singing terribly, i sang terribly. Our percussions consisted of a chopping board, spoons and a pot. And you know what the damndest thing is? I had fun, so y'all can just ACCEPT!


[milli's photos]

leftovers part 1 : fritters @ bills 2





leftovers part 2 : plates @ sushi train

i hate the cold

i hate it when people come into my room in the morning and let cold air in, and you know what's worse than that? when they do leave your room they leave the door open.

when part of your hair sticks up cos you slept in a funny position and refuses to stay down no matter how much gel you use, i hate that too.

and and

when people decide to play with the dog on sunday morning yelling real loud just to get the dog to walk over and shake their hands, and continue to do so regardless of the fact that it's only one of two days during the week that i get to sleep in.

also

the sound of loose change in my trouser pockets is kind of irritating.

enthusiastic freshmens who talk really really loud on the train, don't like them either.


forget about that last ninja, sleep's more important.

but that mofo ninja starred me!

AAaaArrrghHhHhh!!
*power down*

i kept jack and jill in a little container in front of monitor at home, my friend breeds them and literally has hundreds of these little guppies.

he put them in my care last thursday night complete with fish food and all i had to do was feed them at least once and day and change the water every so often.

unfortunately....

jill had already died when i got home last monday night, there she laid amongst the leftover scraps of food at the bottom of their love container.

i put jack in some new water and flushed jill down the toilet.

Swim. In. Peace. Jill.

the morning after jack had mysteriously vanished from his new container, i checked the surrounding areas and there was no sign of him anywhere in case he'd jumped out. my C.S.I skills had let me down, his disappearance is still a mystery and his likelyhood of survival is close to catching a sydney train on time.

*shakes head*

they were siblings turned incestuous lovers, now they're back together again in fish heaven. have fun kids.

.bu..................r..............nnn....

looking for a new t-shirt?

look no further...



chop designs by ding!

i spent two hours trying very very hard not to fall asleep in my training session for work.

this is lecture number 5 of 6 and it's the same story at the same time every week.

it's a combination of things really, but the biggest realisation here is that my brain doesn't want to and stubbornly refuses to study anymore, not now, not ever.

and

i've decided to go back to uni to do some post grad stuff.

so

this is going to be a problem.




sht fk sht

a quiet weekend catching up with some old school faces and also a reprieve for my wallet.

it's during this quiet time that got me thinking. thinking about things like why my body can't take 3 days of going out like it used to be able to without collapsing into a useless mess. i blame it on my diet, there is no consideration for nutritional value when my parents cook - or asian cooking for that matter, it's either oily or no oil. i've never ever ever recalled any asians i know praise carrots it for its high levels of vitamin k but how well it'll go with the paw-paw salad, and chicken, not for its protein but when cooked long enough at the right tempreture then how the crispy skin would melt in your mouth and the succulent flesh beg to be consumed.

don't get me wrong, i like my parent's cooking... most of the time... coupled with my fussless tolerance for mediocre meals.

searching for reasons why i've been so tired and run down lately has brought me to this rather superficial conclusion about diet.

it's probably as simple as, lack of sleep. that's probably it. gone are those days where small periods of sleep would suffice to completely recuperate one's self. it's sad really. but who knows, a few weeks down the track and i could write the complete opposite.

and the true reason why i'm so tired now is **insert reason here - when i figure it out**


~

i got a new phone

//edit

actually... don't take me off your list just yet, i'll be getting my number back.

edit//

hi everyone, i lost my phone. take me off your phone list.






FUCK!

i haven't been speaking my mind lately, at least not on this blog anyway and that bothers me, enough for me to write about it. once upon a time, i'd sit down open up notepad and let it out in all its grammatically incorrect glory before slapping it on blogger.

these days nervousblog.blogspot.com is just an accumulation of incoherent shit gathering cyber dust in a rather pleasant looking enclosure.

i know this is a public blog, and that in itself is a little contradictory.

larissa has mentioned this before, the point being, i set out to write my mind but it's not happening.

~

oh yeah, a question to y'all out there:

which do you prefer? inspiring others? or being inspired?

don't commend me on this new layout, it was carefully chosen from a wide selection of templates provided by blogger.com

~

...i feel that i needed a change, a clean slate in a blogger's world if you will...

yoyo

weighing up the pros and cons of different situations would more often than not help you come to a conclusive decision, at the moment there's some of that grey area, actually, a lot of that grey area that isn't THAT much of a problem, though i foresee it becoming one.

i shouldn't procrastinate.

the man downstairs whom i buy my coffee off everyday really seems like he knows what he's doing. a coffee connoisseur himself, armed with his stainless steel coffee machine he's meticulous in his chosen profession taking pride in every flawless cup he makes but more importantly i like his coffee, warm, milky and the first sip doesn't burn your tongue.

now, as i strolled in today half alseep i ordered a large, STRONG, cappuccino - naturally he would've been forgiven for mistaking my order IF there were other patrons around taking orders from fifteen other work colleagues, but there was NO-ONE else. he made my capp exactly the way he would have if it was just a large regular capp, as i recall i did emphasis 'strong'. there we were, just me and him, but i didn't want to question a pro. perhaps i didn't see him press that extra button that says "Strong Cappuccino" button that's hidden from public view, probably somewhere on the side of the coffee machine.

but alas my hopes were dashed, the large strong capp i asked for that was made like a large regular capp was in fact just a large regular capp, it _tasted_ like a large regular capp.

oh well. i'll live.

bbl

[edit]

sorry, but i'd like to give credit to jookboy's email spiral post for this self-diagnosis entry :)

[edit]

no doubt writing is an artform, but i think speaking eloquently and articulately is alot harder, unless you've prepared a 'speech' talking is spontaneous and impromptu , unlike writing you can't proof read and edit what you say and when you say things.

i guess what i've got to do is train myself to

think before i speak
edit what i'm going to say
then say it with poetic precision

i aim to complete this 3 step process in a split second so it looks like i'm doing it naturally.



but then again, who am i kidding..

~

empty glass bottles that roll around on the floor of train carraiges gives me the shits. the plastic variety are more bearable.

~

oh yeah, i got tickets to the shaolin monks wheel of time gig at the state theatre... soooo bring on the

Level 12 Buddha Palm Stance biatches!!

i have a friend, he writes, he writes about everything and anything that crosses his liberated mind, and so he should.
sometimes, very rarely though, he writes about his friends, stating his opinions on different matters and situations, empathising, sympathising and providing advice, which is good, so don't be alarmed if you think he writes about you, it only shows that he's concerned, and being friends we can let down our guard and forget our pride, at least for a few moments. alas, we can stop asking "where is the love?" cos this man's got ALL the love!

~

i have another friend who shall not be named, she went to a sex shop and found it hilarious, one of her remarks was "how do you insert that? it must be painful", or something to that effect.

that's goddamn hilarious...

her remark that is, not the giant dildo.

~

oh yeah, stuff i've gotten so far:

pirates of the caribbean dvd
bad boys 2 dvd
the hulk quilt cover set - and NO i'm not posting pictures of it here
a stein with 'dancing queen' engraved on it - charming
a marcs shirt - this one's fabulous
funky arse diary - uhhh funky
bottle of malibu - mmmm malibu
lonsdale jacket - aquary-bluey, it's not as faggy as it sounds
cufflinks - squarish
another pair of cufflinks - cylindrical
book: "you inc."
a chocolate mud cake
$2 scratchie - it had potential but it's now a small piece of cardboard
baboons t-shirt : it's very very exclusive!

last but not least, LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of drinks...


i'm indebted.

what the hell

if you read this, i'm sincerely sorry.

i hope the damage isn't permanent, it's been a roller coaster ride for the last few months in my world and i've been oblivious to things that were so clear and simple to me not so long ago.

i know you are happy, i can feel it, except on late monday afternoons on your way home from work. Don't let my insignificance get in your way - like i said in my email to you, i'm glad you told me what you did, i understand that because you tell me those things only shows that you really care.

dear friend, my mentality has changed, but know that i'm still the same person i've been all these years............. uhhh............... wait just a god damn second here... i just got your reply!... it's all good now!

we're friends again everyone!

some thoughts before i forget them..

i really hate people who eat salt and vinegar chips on a hot and crowded train.

if i was homeless and it was stinking hot, i'd jump on a tangara and stay there all day, they can't fine you cos you got no home and you got no ID.

carrying a backpack with my company name and logo makes me feel odd.

~

its presence is looming, its close and i'm acutely aware of it,
before it consumes me entirely, i'm already feeling its affect,
it's happening all too quickly..

what did you say!? you're turning 25 this year?
yeah, you too right?

HOLY.

FKN.

SHIT!

tomorrow's monday
it seems farther than it's ever been
eight minutes to go
again, seems farther than it's ever been

in other news...

schumacher ripped everyone a new one,

and samboy bbq chips are goddamn salty.

damn it, bloody goddamn it.
i'm not angry nor upset, i just felt like saying that, and i said that with a smile on my face.
it's occurred to me that sometimes people misread me, my current state of mind and my emotional situation.
further, even some of my close friends fail to see whether there's a dark cloud over me or otherwise.
do not be fooled, i write this entry with a clear and unaffected mind.
is this one of my shortcomings having unreconciled differences between my inner and outer self? OR do others just get it plain wrong when it comes to reading my actions and putting a finger on what it is that i'm feeling? over reading perhaps? don't get me wrong, it doesn't happen ALL the time, but lately i've noticed it popping up here and there.

I'm content with the way things are panning out in different facets of my life - i've developed a mindset to positively encourage myself on negative issues. it doesn't mean i'm lying to myself leading to some observers using the "ignorance is bliss" line on me.

this is not a "finding myself" entry - it's just another entry.

at work, everyone is really serious and i feel like i'm being molded into this serious business-only person and being the youngest and newest guy on the team it's easy for them to lead me down that path. i feel the need to maintain a high level of immaturity or else lunacy will get the better of me resulting in a new and progressive hatred for my job, let it be known that i write this with one hundred and ten percent seriousness.

action plan: crack a lame joke every hour and laugh at it hysterically for my own amusement and more importantly - sanity.

last thursday morning i woke up to a trail of scented smoke and the aroma of chinese mushrooms... it's chinese new year 2004.

as opposed to my friends, who have a relatively quiet time - my parents celebrate it traditionally with lots of food eaten amongst lots of people, there's one thing that i've given some thought to seeing as though this year marks my quarter century of existence, the red pockets.

it use to be all good, the red pockets kept rolling in, and when i was much younger this was my only source of disposable income for the next twelve months. but over the past few years and working full time, i've started to feel guilty, i even believe that some of these people are living off the pension. everytime i get one of them pockets, i use the same phrase: 'may you be blessed with good health' - kinda made me feel better.....

and..... at the end of the day it comes down to one word: "tradition".

'twas my first day in my new role today, and as much as i hate to say - being a new job and all, i was a little disappointed.

coming from an open planned office i was a little taken back when i was placed in a little cubicle with high partitions and little sunlight - the fluorescent tube did most of the work.

my pc? i was bitterly disappointed - it still had a "y2k compliant" sticker on it, the monitor? i'd say it was slightly bigger than a gameboy AND when you try run any programs you can hear it chugging away like a fatboy armed with a tub of extra creamy vanilla ice cream trudging up city-to-surf's heartbreak hill.

the work isn't too bad, a few new things to learn, consequently getting my brain into gear after a good month and a half of festive gatherings and forced inactivity. a breath of fresh air i'd say - the question is when will i need to surface? even though the system, the people and place are all new to me - this kind of work is all too familiar.

apparently, the existing office we're located at is getting too small for this division, hence we'll be moving over to a schmick new office in the chiefley, it'll be nice.

they've given me a 3 month probationary period before reviewing my performance, i too will give this role a 3 month trial before again reviewing my situation.

two thousand and four has started off pretty peachy for me, i've got nothing to complain about really. after our nye gathering at a friend's place i spent the next few days beaching, perusing different reading material and getting my arse handed back to me by this fella in topspin.

things have really fallen into place over the past few weeks, the job offer finally came through, festivities of any excuse ensured the drinks kept flowing in the tradition we've come to know and love.

now i'm back in the office serving the last few days of my sentence, it's hard not to think about the first day i waltzed through these doors, the people are great here and although our numbers have dwindled over the last 3 months it's still sad see what i'd call the end of an era.

two of my closer colleagues have bigger and bolder plans, they've recently got hold of working visas travelling to the cold and gloom that is london for two merry years of work and booze in a holidayesque kind of way. although i've secured a role here in sydney paving my career, i can't help but be jealous of their exciting paths they'll be embarking on in three weeks time.

london, i know you're cold, always overcast and you beat us in the rugby world cup final on home soil but you nonetheless appeal to me, sooo i hope to see you soon...

update update, from today i have exactly 23 days left at work and my career hangs in the balance as i await news from a prospective employer who i've seen for 3 interviews last week. It's now tuesday, i'm telling you, you just can't go wrong in offering me the job my friends, you just can't, so pick up the phone dial my number and tell me what i need to know and everyone will be happy. Well at least tell me before i go away next week!

my xbox got jiggied, now i can play lots of games, which is good and bad. Good because i can play lots of games whenever i want, bad because playing lots of games too much isn't really that good.

i'm still a bit under the weather. endless supply of mucus i tellsya.

tired and sleepy on this monday afternoon.

i'm dreaming of a... summer holiday.

1st december today it is. 1st day of summer today it is. there's nothing worth writing about, actually i could tell you about how i can hear my echo when i get into work every morning, but who'd want to read about that. boring. bored.

i got myself one of these and now it feels like i've got square eyes.

on a break from work this morning, i was sipping my red bull (cos everyone knows i have chronic fatigue syndrome every morning) with my back towards to sun, all of a sudden in my field of vision everything started to darken, argh, i thought i was going to black out until i realised the sun just crept behind a cloud. bitch arse!

infuse for 4 minutes for a stronger coffee.

this instant coffee bag thing is crap, maybe i've over-infused. infuse is just a funky way of saying "leave it in the hot water"

"dunk the coffee bag for a better result" - i always, ALWAYS dunk my bags, everyone does, i dunked it quite vigorously as well.

anyways, that was a major let down and it was a reknown coffee brand as well, only goes to show, never trust anything 'instant'.

i saw the coffee bag sample stuck on the front cover of this week's publication of the city weekly. now i can at least say i've tried instant coffee, i saw, dunked and infused it.

it's difficult for me attach a 'regret factor' to something so trivial such as instant coffee, but the lesson remains, give it a try or regret not trying, and remember tomorrow is a brand new day.

now i'm going to try thick slices of raw fish.

i'm by myself,

on the side of a bus i see an ad with four girls in bikinis

it goes

"why do one... dufour"

then i crack up like a spastic.

I've changed, a lot, i don't know if i'm an improved or worse version of myself.

I've lost something, i feel incomplete. definately.

Friends that i've known for awhile never told me about my bad traits probably afraid of tearing a whole in my esteem, perhaps. I see my own flaws, every level headed person should be able to see their own flaws, but what if there's a blind spot? Things you don't see about yourself that isn't all that pleasant. Do people have to make it painfully clear to you before you decide to take a step back and give yourself some constructive criticism?

"accepting yourself is the first step to happiness" - that's hunky dory if you know what your good and bad traits are, cos you can work with what you know - keep the good and throw away the bad, but then we have those blind spots you know nothing about.

don't say ignorance is bliss, cos then you'll drive all your friends away and cease to make any new friends.

i hate being ignorant, it's just perceived as being inconsiderate, and at the end of the day your intentions don't count if it's not perceived properly.

i'm quite a nice person, really i am.

something i wrote on the train awhile back, i found it in the depths of my backpack.

~

it was ryan's last day today, he's leaving us for a spiffy new job with nicer tables, better computers and comfier chairs. I had my second interview with a spiffy new company as well, getting the job would be nice, but i'm not too worried if i don't, not right now anyways.
ryan held his farewell drinks at the dendy bar. now there's only 3 people left from the nine i started working with two and a half years ago. i guess they're waiting for their fat redundancy cheque, yeah, the cheque would be nice.
the girl who sits next to me at work says that my tie made me look like a highschooler, i laughed in her face condescendingly, she picks on me at work, so i don't like her very much.
i had a 'kransky' whilst waiting for the train, it's a red vulgar looking sausage. i kept it in the paper bag hiding it from view. though it's vulgar looking, it tastes pretty good...
erghh, now i'm starting to feel it, the sausage is causing a ripple effect in the sea of beer that's housed in my stomach.
i'm going to sleep now, i should feel better when i wake up.

~

since that entry, there's only one person left from my original team, and i didn't get that spiffy job i was interviewed for.

we sunk the unsinkable.

the steam-titanic had become just another regular steam-boat.

...and don't be greedy.

"if it doesn't kill you, it'll make you stronger"

i drew up a detailed budget this evening.



i'm too distraught to continue writing.

once upon a time, some poor homeless bastard got so hungry he started to eat diposed tyres.

Softened to some extent, we now call it licorice.

i tried this lunch-sized thai chilli chicken pizza the other day, today, i tried the spicy pepperoni pizza.

i'd say, they've mixed up their adjectives.

i was watching sami's section on weather this morning. Sami was at martin place in the middle a bunch of lavenders, she asked me to come down to check out the lavenders when i had a chance. So, i got changed, caught the train and got to martin place.

i saw the lavenders, i saw sami and her news crew, then i went to work.

there's this one mandarin song i've started listening to recently, i don't know what the guy's singing about, to me it could be a happy or sad song depending on my mood.

perception, control it or be controlled.

actions speak louder than words, and speculation leads you off into a tangent usually making you oblivious to the truth.

been writing a lot of incoherent crap lately, so this will be a change of some sort.

hello.

i'm running out of time, it's just past twelve mid night and i haven't started the dvd yet, i know i don't have work tomorrow, but still, i have to hurry this entry through before i can start the dvd, i must. i'm not on the dole, but i have run an errand and pay a visit to the local centrelink tomorrow, that's going to waste some time as well. if i could only convert the time i've wasted from "waiting" i think i'd feel less rushed right now. i'd wait for the train, then i'd have to wait for the train to get to wherever, that's like two hours of waiting on a round trip. i'd have to wait my turn for the bathroom each morning, i also have to wait for people i meet up with for lunch - damn my punctuality. Then wait for my food, no wonder why people go for fast food, that damned skinless chicken laksa took forever, and it didn't even have shallots sprinkled on the top of it. now i have to wait til tomorrow to go wait in line in the waiting room at centrelink. in the meantime, play that dvd i say.

that was fun.

i've started buying coffee at this new place that my colleague frequents, his name is kevin but the guys behind the coffee machine call him "hash", kevin tells me a while ago they thought that he looked like a marijuana dealer and the name stuck ever since. strange, perhaps they caught him with little sachets of hash pinned up against the inside of his trench coat doing his rounds on martin place, or or or, when everyone else was having a smoke break, kevin pulled out his twin-chambered bong and started smoking on his own supplies whilst sipping on the flat white he bought from the same place. i normally get a cap, one time i got myself a flat white, and well.. it tastes exactly the same as a cap except with less froth, is that the only difference? is it?! is it?! hmm, well tickle me blind. anyway, kevin is english, thin, pale and homosexual, so if he was dealing or abusing anything it'll be those harder type drugs like heroin, not to stereotype heroin abusers to be thin, pale and gay - they're just thin and pale.

a familiar smile amongst the crowd, i had been waiting five minutes and i was hungry, but alas she'd arrived and soon enough the smile had turned into a half giggle, so i subtly checked my fly and blew my nose, but i never found out what she had been laughing at.

did you bring your lunch?
yeah i'm still on that detox thing
you know it's kinda pointless, cos you've already blown it by having those krispy kreme doughnuts on the weekend and not to mention you'll be loading up on bad stuff later on anyway.
*shrugs* i suppose, but i've only got 4 days left..

i bought my lunch and she was making her detoxifying rabbit sandwich, and as i sat down i was thinking to myself - what a great friend i have. at the time there was no reason nor doubt, i had knew it all along so i guess writing about it was all that's left to do.

she knows me well, or at least, i think she knows me well. we have different social agendas, though they occasionally coincide, we normally update and give each other transparency into our lives and more importantly into other peoples lives.

sometimes, our conversations will start with 'did you know that so and so is..' and ending with 'oh my gosh i never knew that..' or 'are you FER REAL?!'

then we'd fill in the rest of our time with meaningless chatter about things like titanium tongs, kimchee, beef bulgogi and justin timberlake, and for that i am grateful.

these starburst sour gummi worms taste fan-fan-fantastic on this f-f-fine day..

fine wouldn't do this day any justice, stupendously brilliant would be a more appropriate description.

during this stupendously brilliant day my attention was diverted to a conversation about Geishas amongst my colleagues sitting next to me. one girl says, essentially they're prostitutes, straight out no explanation whatsoever, just prostitutes. she rests her case. talk to the hand. period.

err ok then.

though, i'd like to disagree, just for argument sake, by definition they are:

"One of a class of professional women in Japan trained from girlhood in conversation, dancing, and singing in order to entertain professional or social gatherings of men."

that's their job description, however, they do sleep with men, but only at the discretion of that Geisha. Then you have prostitutes, their job description differ ever so slightly, so slightly in fact that my colleague finds it indistinguishable! sad.

~

gee it's a stupendously brilliant day.

~

...i was sitting on the bench waiting for my train home the other night, a girl sits next to me, then she spots her friend walking along the platform and she shouts out to get her attention, her friend comes over:

girl sitting next to me: "i spent 25 minutes on the treadmill tonight, oh my gawd, i was going to die, apparently the doctor says i have low blood pressure, so i think i need a bit more sugar in my diet"

then her friend continues to walk down the platform.

another friend approaches:

same girl sitting next to me before: "i spent 25 minutes on the treadmill tonight, oh my gawd, i was going to die, apparently the doctor says i have low blood pressure, so i think i need a bit more sugar in my diet"

then her friend walks off.

i get on the train, i sit down in the row of seats behind the girl that sat next to me on the platform, and just as i was about to doze off into oblivion another friend gets on the train and sits next to her... guess what?

the same girl that sat next to me on the platform: "i spent 25 minutes on the treadmill..."

i could've almost mimed her conversation milli vanilli style, but that'd be rude.

admittedly, i do the same thing as well, everyone does, unless you blog it of course, cos it'll look stupid if you post it twice?

~

i'm almost over my sickness, i got an extra box of aloe vera tissues, so i need to only go through 100 more sheets of tissue to get that one bar code to enter the competition.

~

my friend got himself an apartment, and i'm so jealous, cereal.

~

i need to go get some biscuits now, but everyone sticks their hands in there right after their toilet break. i'm not quite sure what makes biscuits so appealing right after a toilet break, that kinda puts me off, but the trick is to goto the store room and open up a completely new packet of biscuits.

~

Q: what's the deal with all these '~' ?
A: dunno, looks kinda cool.

i am sick.

from what? who knows. i woke up not feeling the best, by 11am i've used up half a box of kleenex aloe vera tissues, that's 50 sheets at three plies per sheet of snotty yucky mucus, very charming, i know.

they say that these aloe vera tissues help sooth the irrititations from repetitive nose blowing, i say: "bullcrap!". My little bin under my desk is filled to the brim with scrunched up tissues and i bet the very next time i blow my nose, it'll come right off. I'll lose my nose, it'll never to be located, then how ridiculous would i look? Walkin' around without a freakin' nose for crying out loud. I'd try the lost and found box, but that'll be pressing my luck though, i mean, who'll be silly enough to pick up a missing nose and place it in the lost and found box, yes i completely agree, it's highly unlikely.

Though, not all has been lost, on the underside of the tissue box there's a sneezin' season competition, you could win: a holiday to Canada worth $15,000, a Breville Espresso machine or one of 200 fluffy duck slippers. Personally i prefer the duck slippers cos i hate cold feet. Now, all i have to do is buy 2 more boxes of these tissues and send in the bar codes and bobs your uncle. If this fluey-type sickness keeps up, i might have a chance of going through all 3 boxes and be in the running for the duck slippers, but i fear my nose won't be able to make it.

i met her about a day ago, she's 37, i can see it written all over her but she's never revealed her exact date of birth. she's been through quite a lot, a bit rough around the edges, though she looks in pretty good shape for her age. she doesn't say much nor does she do much, she sits there gracefully watching her life pass by, perhaps the last 37 years had been too eventful and now she'd like to rest in a bit of peace, or so it seems until i trade her off of course. i flip her over and i see a platypus in a body of water and a '20' written next to it. i flip her over again, and i take a closer look, "Elizabeth II Australia 1966".

..i was born in vietnam but i don't speak a word of it.
my dad was born and raised in cambodia.
my mum was born and raised in vietnam.
both sets of grandparents are 100% chinese.
ergo, i have 100% chinese blood and i speak a dialect of chinese so brokenly, i don't even try to compensate by using english for the words i don't know how to pronounce in chinese, i just go "errr" or there's complete and utter silence. i "err" alot, i think i do, in fact, i find myself erring everytime i speak to either of my parents, so, now along with our culture gap, we have (usually the parents, actually it's always the parents! always! haa) this "no understand" syndrome. it's not that bad really. but cos of these reasons, they've objected to some of the bigger decisions i've made, and because i want to make my own decisions they think i'm disrespecting them. Nonsense, of course i'd like to get their blessing but at the end of the day it's my decision. And why is it always about "respect"? why? why? why? i doooo, i do respect them, they just fail to see that. You know what it is? it's the fact that you haven't done things 'their' way and they ain't happy about that, not one bit my friend.

haa!

i know what it is! it's the weather! errr no it's not.

you haven't seen your old friends in ages, but they have their own agendas, their own lives to run, they don't really need to see you anymore. errk that's sad. is this what i've become? a nomad? you haven't paid your bill, it's been sitting there for awhile now, actually they've sent you an overdue notice, great, i'll wait for the final warning then in that case, i'm just too lazy. let's eat. let's. i've eaten too much, again. why do i do this to myself, i don't know, it's not that bad really, once won't kill, not unless it becomes a habit. thoughts are moving too fast, i try to write it down quickly but i can't capture everything, nor do i want to write down everything, not here, not for the world to see, it's a damn shame, you used to be happier you know, yeah i've realised that, or so it seems anyway. hey, you can move out soon too, yeah i know i can but i can't think that far ahead, do you know how to cook? clean? wash? argh, let's reassess at another time, it's late. yeah, so you and i haven't seen our friends in awhile, they don't care about you, well not as much as they did in the past, well, they're all hitched if you didn't realise they don't have time for you anymore, i guess not, but you're upset yes? a little, i've accepted it, then why are you writing about it now? cos i'm bored and it happened to cross my mind, you mean you've been thinking about it, a little, no alot, but it's not just that, other things as well i guess, what are you talking about? what do you mean other things? why i'm writing instead of sleep at four in the morning. what is it? i'm not sure, yes you are, you just don't want to talk about it, you're afraid you'll be judged, by whom? people who read this blog, people you know, it doesn't matter what people think of me, oh yes you do, you say you don't but you really do care that's why you've been writing about trivial matters, like you and your stupid car. i'm bored now, me too, go to sleep then, i don't want to cos the weekends too short i need to maximise my consciousness, err but you're bored, yes i am and i'll keep typing, and what will that achieve? nothing, just so there's an entry on my blog site for my friends to read, huh? what? for your friends to read about your little boring entry you wrote at four in the morning? can we find a topic please? yes, how about your room's in a mess and you have unpaid bills sitting on your table, we've talked about that already, ok then, how about that little monkey she gave you that's still sitting on top of your monitor, what about it? well aren't you going to take it down doesn't it remind you of her? yes, sometimes, but i like it, it's really not that bad, fine. fine. do you like girls? of course i do! then why don't you have a target? cos there's no one, even if there was you probably won't do much cos you're all talk, yeah i am umm, then do something, do what to whom? find a whom and do what you would normally do to the whom that you're interested in, oohh we'll see you can't push the issue with these things, i'm dissapointed in you, you've lost confidence, i have? i AM confident, no you're not, am so, are not! am so! whatever. errr this entry is boring, duh! i just want to write, you know you're suppose to get up early tomorrow cos we're taking jessica out for her birthday, yeah i'll be fine, you know what? i'm actually starting to feel better after all this writing, feeling better about what? everything, everything? yeah everything, i guess i'll have to see how i feel in the morning, it might be a change for the better aye? yeah might, hehe, you're funny, i know i am, you should try to be funny all the time, you mean i'm not funny all the time? nah you're not, quite boring most of the time, you just sit there like a teenager at a bar, piss off, haha you suck, now goto sleep and do something worth your while and stop acting like you're so cool, cos you ain't, yes i am well a little cool at least, then go impress someone.